To Sahil Mane

For everything

Without whom I would not be me

And this book simply would not be

And to my loved father, Rajeev Kaushal,

Whose posthumous permission I sought

And granted myself

For his private tale I’m going to tell

“[W]hile the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do, but you can say with precision what an average number will be up to. Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant. So says the statistician.”

—Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of the Four

Introduction

i. Now That I Have Your Attention

Whether or not one wants to believe the report¹ calling India the world’s most dangerous country for women, or deconstruct rape stats across countries, let’s speak in terms of the absolute. The fact is that women face sexual terrorism—sexual violence, or the threat of it—in India. The perpetuators of gender violence on the women, children and men in India are (mostly) Indian men, and—problem-solving 101—in order to solve a problem, it is important to understand it first. To stop it you have to see it.*

There are many Indias, living simultaneously in many centuries: I use the term ‘Indian’ as a collective identity more than a specifically national one, while being cognizant of its complex character. Further, I am not suggesting—nor does my title imply—that all Indian men rape, or that only Indian men rape, or that Indian men rape more or less than others, or even that only men rape.

Though rape happens the world over, universality is not the same as uniformity. Theoretical formulations mutate, and mutate differently in different environments; local factors come into play. Just like, for example, the answer to ‘Why are Indians vegetarian?’ would be different from the answer to ‘Why are Germans vegetarian?’*

You’ve been reading sansani khabaren† about gender violence in India every single day, especially since the Delhi Gang Rape of 2012. International movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp have arrived at Indian shores, bringing survivors out of their exiles of silence. The conversation about the inexorable ‘Indian rape epidemic’ throbs in the news, on social media and in drawing rooms—but doesn’t go much beyond opinions and frustration! That the furore has seeped into our cultural consciousness is evidenced by a surge in rape-revenge movies, crime show plotlines and the preoccupation with women’s protection.

But here’s the thing—news reporting is all post-fact, after the act. At its best, this develops into a survivor/victim-first, law and order approach to gender violence; at its worst, into a victim-blaming and shaming culture:

“The victim is as guilty as her rapists. She should have called the culprits brothers and begged before them to stop.”—Asaram Bapu², ‘spiritual’ leader and alleged rapist³.

“The rate of crimes against women depends on how completely dressed they are and how regularly they visit temples.”—Babulal Gaur⁴, BJP leader.

Eh? Excuse me, no. It’s time to take onus away from the victims and survivors, and place it squarely where it belongs—with the perpetrators and causes of gender violence. If there were no rapists there’d be no rape, right? Because, before there was a victim or survivor who needed to have been protected, there was the creation of a potential perpetrator; before the cure or the punishment, there were other measures that could have, would have, should have, may have prevented him. As a character in Netflix’s crime drama Mindhunter says: “How do you get ahead of crazy if you don’t know how crazy thinks?”⁵

In light of deep-seated patriarchy, it is unsurprising that a perspective that remonstrates men instead of women encounters cultural resistance. For this and other reasons, this prevention-is-better-than-cure approach has hitherto been limited to gender studies classrooms, NGOs and other ‘lady-oriented’ arenas; with books written about toxic masculinity having correspondingly serious titles and academic language. While the conversation about rape may be nuanced and evolved among academics, that’s not the case for the layperson. And maybe that’s my only role—nothing new, just bridging the gap, “to make the important interesting” (the mantra of legendary Outlook editor Vinod Mehta).

Why do Indian men rape? This book and larger multimedia project are both, the journey and result of a personal quest—over three, seven or twenty-five years, depending on how you look at it—to find answers. I don’t pretend to have them all. Nor can I hope for much more than to prompt cultural introspection as a step towards solving the problem. Nevertheless, please accept my modest contribution towards our vision of a violence-free India… and world.

ii. But What Is Rape?

A few months into my research, my spouse Sahil and I were reading our respective books against an ancient wall of the Hatgadh Fort, somewhere in rural Maharashtra. So engrossed was I in my compulsive note-making that I didn’t notice the gaggle of five college-age boys until their shadows loomed above me, peering at my reading.

“Whatchu doing, bahina*?” they asked in Marathi, with the typical curiosity and reverence village folks have for city ones. “Writing a book about what?” Sensing an opportunity to educate and be educated, I invited them to stay for a chat.

“Problem kya hai ki kissi ko pata hi nahi rape kya hai.”† How true! They’d all heard of it on the news, but didn’t know what it really meant. I realized that, as women transition from being possessions to people, there is no understanding of consent and rape, neither legally nor socioreligiously—how can we, when we still have forced-arranged‡ and child marriages? The law is evolving—not so long ago, the lust of the man and the chastity of the woman were used as yardsticks to determine rape. Even currently, there are so many instances of mixed legal signals contributing to this muddle—until recently, a woman who had lived with a man for years on end was allowed to claim rape if he didn’t marry her⁶; the media projected that the Dastangoi performer, Mahmood Farooqui, was acquitted on the basis of the complainant’s ‘feeble no’§⁷; child marriage is illegal but recognized, yet sex with a child wife is rape⁸; until recently, Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) criminalized anything but penovaginal intercourse even in consenting heterosexual adults⁹…

So, what is rape? I state my definition because the answer to this question is inconsistent and has varied historically, culturally and even among theorists. My definition is broader than the IPC’s Section 376¹⁰, even after the laws have been amended on the basis of the recommendations of the Justice Verma Committee¹¹ following the Delhi Gang Rape. It is closely aligned, from what I understand, with the definition issued by the American Federal Bureau of Investigation.

A caveat: genders other than female are raped and genders other than male rape, and it is only for the purposes of this book that I am excluding the rape of men and other genders, and rape by women and other genders. Respectfully, with due acknowledgement of the gender spectrum, these other paradigms are beyond its self-confessedly cisgender, heteronormative scope: this is a book about cismen who rape (primarily) ciswomen.

Rape is the penetration of a woman’s vagina, urethra or anus (using mouth, fingers, penis, objects, anything), and the penetration of her mouth with a penis, without her consent.

Consent must be given freely and explicitly—an active ‘yes’, conveyed through language and/or actions. Submission or the absence of objection does not always imply consent.

Consent must be given freely and explicitly, and not under duress, without the perpetrator(s):

a)Using physical force and/or a weapon.

b)Using non-physical force such as threats/intimidation, blackmail, bullying and coercion.

c)Abusing authority, trust and power.

d)Causing incapacitation using drugs or alcohol.

e)Telling lies, pretending to be someone else and making false promises about the future.

Here, I must qualify—a woman cannot claim a ‘false promise to marry’ as rape after, say, seven years in a romantic or live-in relationship. As Indian law now recognizes the de-facto partnership of those living-in for a “significant period”¹², we cannot have it both ways. Also, this ‘false promise’ business—breakups happen, so this is valid only if the partner never intended to keep his promise to begin with.

Now, in most countries, a false promise to marry would not be considered rape, and some legal and armchair experts alike thought it must be removed from Indian law. And so, in January 2019, the Supreme Court ruled that consensual sex cannot be called rape after a relationship ends and the man declines to marry the woman, for whatever reason. I don’t think it should’ve been scrapped, and retain it in my definition of rape. There are many Indias, living in many centuries at once. This law was for a time and place where gullible and good sanskaari* girls and women only had sex for and within marriage. In addition, it could be situated within the purview of an individual-rights-based legal system—that upholds sexual autonomy—that India must aspire to and evolve towards. “Assuming that sexual autonomy means anything, it surely includes the right not to have sex with a married man if you don’t want to,” proposes illustrious Yale Law School professor Jed Rubenfeld in ‘The Riddle of Rape-by-Deception and the Myth of Sexual Autonomy’¹³. “It surely includes the right not to have sex with someone who isn’t interested in a serious relationship. These rights can be violated by lies just as much as they can by force or threat.”

Consent cannot be given freely and explicitly by a victim/survivor when:

a)Asleep, unconscious or generally incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.

b)Mentally or physically incapacitated or ill.

c)Under the age of sixteen—any sexual contact with a minor is statutory rape.

Although a couple of my subjects insisted on the agency of those above the age of ten/twelve, it is important for society to take our responsibilities towards children seriously. The robust Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act¹⁴ of 2012 is very welcome.

Some caveats regarding underage sex. To allow for experimentation not exploitation, it is important to have an ‘age-proximity exception’—consensual sex between two fifteen-year-olds cannot be considered the rape of the girl by the boy. And to exclude consensual sex, when there is a minor age difference between the partners and one is technically under the age of consent, from statutory rape, I evoke the US’s Romeo and Juliet Law¹⁵. In the US, this ‘minor age difference’ varies by state, but I think we should pin it at, say, three years.

Indisputably, marital rape is rape.

Rape and murder are at the top of the sexual violence pyramid. Rape culture contributes to and includes all the dramatic things that make the news—the sansani khabaren I’ve listed above; as well as smaller misogynistic attitudes and microaggressions on the other end of the spectrum—coercion, survivor shaming, erect penises rubbing against our backsides on public transport, what we call ‘eve teasing’, etc. They’re all interconnected and they’ve all got to go.

iii. Research & Representation

Nine Lives

The core of my research methodology for this book entailed spending up to a week each with nine men who have raped, across different parts of the country. I spent time in their home environments; interviewing and observing them, and their families and friends. Through a study of these mostly ‘undetected’ (the experts’ term for rapists outside the criminal justice system¹⁶), some unconvicted rapists, I sought to determine how history, economics, environment, upbringing, education (or lack thereof), psychological state, and attitudes towards sex, women and gender shaped their behaviour and impacted their inclination to commit rape.

Anthropological, observational research is expensive and time-consuming but in-depth. Sociological, interview-based research is cheaper and easier but oftentimes shallower, with the drawback of the say-do divide—what people say is different from what they do. For helping me evolve a sort-of DIY methodology that contained elements of both, I am forever grateful to my advisors—the esteemed qualitative researcher Nita Gopal, the founder of the agency NG Works; and the respected Indophile anthropologist and educator Jordyn Steig.

I was undercover—with a different name and corresponding email and Facebook IDs; hidden tattoos and a so-not-me kurta*-jeans look; the works. I lied. Most subjects thought my translator-assistant-bodyguard Amit†, who accompanied me on some of my cross-country travels, and I, an NRI from Australia, were researching a movie (in the established tradition of ABCDs‡ seeking a break in Bollywood). The movie, well, it was about the lives of ordinary village/political/badmaash§ men, somewhat like Peepli Live or Gangs of Wasseypur or whatever.

The 250 questions I asked and the things I observed were the same with all men, but I never told them I was studying them because they had been identified as rapists. For obvious reasons! First, imagine trying to convince someone to speak to you about being a rapist when he hadn’t been publicly or legally outed as one. Besides, had I revealed my feminist, understand-rapists-to-stop-rape agenda, the responses I would have got may have had a ‘social desirability bias’—a tendency to answer questions to be viewed favourably by others—more so than simply speaking to a modern woman already evoked. Alternatively, revealing my agenda may also have resulted in false confessions—to be seen as more give-a-damn, daring and dabangg*. The guise of being a journalist investigating another subject wouldn’t have worked either. Anyway, I was met with curious ‘Why do you need to know about my masturbatory habits for a movie on my life?’ type-of questions by a few subjects (that I responded to with some psychobabble).

Armed with pepper spray, a WhatsApp safety group with my live location and a local ICE† contact, I conducted my research in two phases—five subjects from September to December 2017; four more from July to December the following year. Apart from spending the night (too dangerous), I practically lived with them, showing up first thing in the morning, leaving last thing at night. For the time each subject and his family spent talking to me, food they fed me, petrol they consumed on showing me around, I gave each ₹5,000. In some cases, I also paid the sources that found them for me. Along the way, I met a dacoit and a gunrunner; escaped a trap being laid for me; and visited jails. To quote Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”¹⁷…

I’d like to think that our interactions positively impacted some of my subjects—at the very least, through the reflection necessitated by articulation and the intervention of being interviewed by a modern woman. At any rate, I don’t think there were or will be negatives—especially since all their names and identifying details are obfuscated beyond recognition. This is to protect them—I will not be responsible for a lynch mob—as well as to protect their survivors.

The Expertise of Experts

These case studies are interwoven with knowledge gleaned from years of reading on the subject (particularly since 2013, when I decided I would undertake this project); experts’ and my own analyses and contextualization; and survivors’ insights. I thank survivors for trusting me with their stories; as well as the world-famous experts who graciously agreed to be interviewed for this book and those whose works I’ve drawn on.

I am most thankful to the person I refer to throughout the book as ‘The Accused Inmate’. He has provided a deep understanding from within a north Indian jail, where he is an undertrial (falsely?) accused of a rape and murder.

I had heard of his circumstances, but it was only when I started research for this project that I developed a selfish interest in meeting him. We met for the first time in 2017. I was sceptical about the fact that his family said he was innocent—I have met many Indian families who believe their sons can do no wrong. If he was guilty, great, I had an educated subject to speak to; if he wasn’t, great, he could lend me insights from within the jail.

His inputs—shared in person and through deeply incisive letters—have been invaluable. With unfettered access to convicts, he has been able to get me unique leads and perspectives on incarcerated perpetrators as well as on general north Indian masculinity that I wouldn’t, couldn’t have found elsewhere.

A caveat: with due respect to the reams of books in the academic discourse on Indian masculinity (many of which I’ve quoted, many more of which I’ve read), I humbly proffer that my book focuses on the ground realities I encountered. Take, for instance, the much discussed ‘semen anxiety’ of the Indian male—the ideas and hypochondriacal illnesses based on the premise that a man’s vital fluid must not be wasted. Even accounting for the observation that this cultural syndrome has been over-represented in the discourse¹⁸, I found barely any evidence of its existence—and that’s if I count jail lore that masturbation causes pimples, ha. However prevalent semen anxiety actually was, it seems to have reduced owing to the pornification and sexualization of society.

In a quest for ethnographic realism, to represent reality as I saw it, my subjects’ ideas, ideologies and lived experiences have led the way, substantiated throughout by expert opinions and analyses.

Subjects Not Objects

When choosing my subjects, I had set out to be demographically representative on many fronts. On religion, I succeeded to a great extent: according to the 2011 Census¹⁹, 79.8 per cent of India’s population is Hindu, 14.2 per cent is Muslim, and the remaining 6 per cent belong to other religions. Correspondingly, seven subjects were Hindu, one was Muslim, and I even managed a half-Hindu-half-Christian subject to represent the third largest religion, though it is such a minority. Similarly with location: I met two subjects each from the north, east, west and centre of India, and one from the south.

Then came the rural versus urban, and economic criteria. Respected journalists note that the Indian press only covers the “top five per cent”²⁰ and “Indian villages rarely make national headlines unless it’s really bad news.”²¹ Alongside, us savarna* feminists are accused—rightly—of ignoring the issues plaguing poor village women who face many more layers of disempowerment than we do. But then I grappled with the numbers. Nearly 70 per cent of Indians still live in rural areas²². And, a large percentage of Indians are poor. (Figures vary with definitions and methodology. Applying the $3.20 per day poverty line introduced by the World Bank in November 2017, about 60 per cent of India was living in poverty at the time of the 2011 Census²³; other analysis of the same Census data pegged it at just under 22 per cent²⁴.)

I abandoned these demographic yardsticks. It was for similar reasons that I did not want to focus my research on convicted rapists.

Most research on rapists (and criminals in general) has been conducted in jails. And while I reference these authors’ fascinating research and the observations I solicited from The Accused Inmate, I see flaws in trying to understand rape (only or primarily) through convicted sex offenders. There are the most obvious reasons: gender is constructed by individuals as well as societal influences within a cultural landscape. The artificial environment of jail excludes a holistic understanding of the ethnographic gender culture, involving family, friends, wives and other women, in which these men exist IRL*, thereby blurring behaviour and norm, and ignoring intersectionality. And in the context of demographic segmentation: “only a tiny fraction of sex offenders are ever incarcerated, and they are atypical of all men who engage in sexual violence. Convicted sex offenders are much more likely to have assaulted strangers, used a weapon, deployed unnecessary violence, and hold previous criminal records. These men are almost never college-educated professionals or well-regarded members of their communities—characteristics that we now know do not preclude men from raping,” summarizes Sandra Newman in an astute piece in Aeon²⁵. The justice system the world over “all too frequently produces tautological outcomes”²⁶—it defines as criminals those that are already seen as so.

I did not want to promote the Bollywood caricature of rapists, the type often played by Shakti Kapoor—monstrous men lurking in the bushes or villainous men just waiting to strike; ‘the Other’ and the outsiders who are far from the realm of our normal. Correspondingly, neither did I want to propagate the pervasive and dangerous myth that rich men from ‘good families’—the perpetrators of #MeToo and #MeTooIndia, and the Shiney Ahuja variety—don’t rape.

In fact, for me, finding the latter type of rapist was the far easier task. When I had set about searching for subjects, the first avenue I pursued was finding their identities through their survivors. I received most responses from the call I put out on Facebook, where my audience is mostly as privileged as I am. Then there were all the friends who had told me their stories over the years; and also, strangers who sought me out, unsolicited, at parties, online, even at a tile shop(!), upon hearing about this project. I spoke to seventy women who have been raped. Eleven women had been raped in the ‘stranger danger’ style or by domestic help when they were young (as I was), so could not provide identities. Five had been raped by up to three men they knew—acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and family. Now, since gender violence usually follows class lines (a theory I unpack later in the book), all in all, I have an Excel sheet with the names of seventy-two elite men who have raped. For me, finding rapists in the mould of the characters popularized by Shakti Kapoor was the far more challenging task.

Change was the other reason for me to discount the settlement and economic criteria. The poor are getting less poor (if not richer)²⁷ and will, hopefully, continue to do so. The rural are migrating and villages are urbanizing²⁸. For this book to retain its relevance for the foreseeable future, I would have to account for upward mobility and over-represent men in the middle.

I sought to explore the gamut of unique ethnological reasons—social, cultural, traditional, legal, economic, geographic, religious, psychological and others—that cause sexual violence in India today. To this end, although I had set out to be demographically representative in a traditional sense, my research and analysis realigned according to my hypothesis on social class.

iv. Social Class in India—An Overview

Before deep diving into this project, I had a vague feeling—for lack of a better word—that crystallized into a concrete hypothesis (owing, largely, to discussions with my advisors, Abhimanyu Radhakrishnan, the noted journalist, media consultant and former vice president of Times Internet; and the famous journalist and writer, Sowmya Rajaram). Which is this: though all sorts of men rape, their reasons for doing so are different within different social milieus.

Social class in India can be described as an intersection between several interconnected elements. These are: religion and caste, the historicity and occupation of the family, education, language, culture, money and location. To examine these elements further, let me first explain their yardsticks, as they exist.

Maybe He’s Born with It

The upper-caste Hindu man and his historically and culturally ascribed occupations—intellectual vocations for the Brahmins; the machineries of state for the Kshatriyas; commerce for the Vaishyas—sit at the top of the cultural structure. Manual work—traditionally attributed to the lower-caste Shudras and the Dalits, who are regarded not just as the lowest caste but, technically, outcaste—still sits at the very bottom of our cultural schema. Owing to this ideology as well as a large unskilled and underskilled population, those that do manual work are shockingly poorly paid.

Growing up, I never knew my caste. Born to a Punjabi Hindu father and a Malayali Catholic ‘foreign-return’ mother, I enjoyed my exotic mongrel status. Contributing to my blissful oblivion was the fact that my late father was an officer in the Indian Navy—the naval environment tends to foster patriotism over pettier intra-country politics. (But also promotes power hierarchies based around seniority that permeate all aspects of life, and I never thought to question how many officers versus sailors were upper castes.) I must’ve been thirteen when I learnt about caste in a school lesson; when I brought it up at home, I found I was a high-caste Kshatriya.

As they say, privilege is invisible to those who have it. It took me even longer to realize that this oblivion is afforded only to upper-caste Hindu people, and that too only in urban India. So this I say to those who deny the existence and practice of casteism while simultaneously propagating Brahmin supremacy—stop with the hypocrisy. And to those well-intentioned egalitarian folks I meet over tinkling wine glasses, who don’t know their castes, don’t believe in caste, are ‘post-caste’, I say—privilege is the idea that it’s not happening because it’s not happening to you. Your upper caste is showing.

If you were a Yadav or a Muslim, like two of my subjects, Dipu and Abbas, you’d have become acutely aware of the weight of your surname as soon as you had grown awareness of your community, the world beyond the walls of home. Traditionally, not all Indians used surnames—many went only by their first names because everyone in your village already knew you and your caste—but they are becoming increasingly prevalent. Coded into them are religious, caste, locational and, therefore, positional information, as well as a generous dose of Vedic and colonial stereotypes, encoded in the Criminal Tribes Act of 1871²⁹. Although modernization appears to have weakened caste divides, your religion and caste dictate your standard of living, especially in rural and peri-urban areas—where you stay; what you do for work and wealth; what you eat; where you draw your water; where you worship; who your friends are; whether, where and how long you study. And even when and how you die—those from Non-Muslim Forward Caste households live till an average age of sixty, seventeen whole years more than those from Scheduled Tribes³⁰. In a nutshell, it determines absolutely everything about your life.

Sadly, class mobility is very hard won as the fixed elements of caste and religion continue to play the most important roles in determining social class. Although higher castes are not entirely protected from downward mobility, rarer still are lower-caste people who manage to swim upstream.

Study Hard or Hardly Study

Our education system is undemocratic and, as it is currently structured, seems to reinforce intergenerational privilege instead of erase it. Private schooling in English, the longer and more expensive the better, sits in contrast to municipal schooling. At the top of the pyramid is the fanciest of fancy English medium private schools—the Doon School for boys, Welham Girls’ School (where I studied for a brief period), Mother’s International, Bombay Scottish, etc. Such excellent schools can only accommodate a small ratio of the hordes of children we produce every year, and high-quality schooling is reserved for a privileged few.

There are lower-rung private schools of varying quality in every city and town in India—over 3,39,000³¹ of them that go all the way to standard twelve, in English, Hindi and local languages. According to the Annual Status of Education Report (ASER) 2018, 30.9 per cent of Indian children are privately educated³². Discussing the “self-selection associated with children who attend private schools”, Dr Wilima Wadhwa, Director, ASER, writes: “It is well known that children who go to private schools come from relatively affluent backgrounds and tend to have more educated parents … As rural India became more prosperous, parents began to shift their children to private schools, reflected in rising private school enrolments. The pool of children that government schools were drawing their students from thus became steadily more disadvantaged.” While the growing preference for private schools can be seen as indicative of a willingness to invest in children’s education by parents who may be less educated themselves, this reflects a lack of public faith in government schools.

This lack of faith is with good reason. Sunil, in Katherine Boo’s Behind the Beautiful Forevers³³, “did want to be something, but it didn’t seem to him that a municipal school education gave older Annawadi boys better opportunities. Those who finished seventh or eighth standard just ended up scavenging, doing roadwork, or boxing Fair & Lovely lotion in a factory. Only boys who went to private schools had a chance to go to college.”

Even after controlling for other factors outside the school that affect learning, the gap between the government and private school outcomes was increasing between 2009 and 2014; since 2014, the outcomes in government schools have improved, thereby narrowing or stabilizing the gap. Be that as it may, on the quality of primary education, India ranks 49th out of the 137 countries surveyed for the World Economic Forum’s 2017–8 Global Competitiveness Index³⁴. That we fare better on the quality of higher education, at 26th of 137, is a mixed blessing. Higher education is accessible only, or mostly, to those who have had economic and educational advantages at a primary level—the ability to enter a good school and stay there beyond age fourteen as mandated by the Right to Education Act³⁵—exacerbating and perpetuating the divide.

Language Gentry

In the language department, English speakers are considered to score higher social points than those who speak Hindi. Hindi speakers are ranked higher than those who speak the other twenty-one of India’s twenty-three official languages, who in turn are ranked higher than those that speak other languages and dialects. This scale has roots deep in our colonial past, and can be traced back to Thomas Babington Macaulay’s tract titled ‘Minute on Education’ in 1835. In it, he simultaneously commends English and the “intrinsic superiority of the Western literature”, and summarily condemns indigenous cultures and languages, saying: “a single shelf of a good European library was worth the whole native literature of India and Arabia.” The English Education Act, enacted on his recommendations, deliberately cultivated “a class of persons Indian in blood and colour, but English in tastes, in opinions, in morals, and in intellect.”³⁶ And thus began what the bestselling author Chetan Bhagat calls “the new caste system”³⁷—the tangled tale of those who ‘have’ English, and the corresponding access to ‘Western’ culture in India, and those who don’t.

A couple of centuries on, English’s status as the predominant global language—of communication, commerce, the internet and Hollywood—has quelled much of the postcolonial pushback in the mainstream. If anything remains of the resistance, it is a quest to preserve local languages in addition to English, with Hindi bearing most of the backlash. (The argument being: if English serves as a national and global ‘link language’, what role does Hindi play? Especially now that smartphones offer internet access in several Indian languages, why Hindi, not another? Why is it spreading so far and fast?)

While India is home to the world’s second-largest English-speaking population, the number of English speakers, 129 million in the 2011 Census³⁸, is about 10 per cent of our population—where only 73 per cent over the age of seven are functionally literate. Further, there is no accounting for proficiency; apart from what can be surmised from the fact that only 2,59,678 (0.02 per cent) speak English as their first language.

“English encodes class in India. It does so by sliding into the DNA of social division: income, caste, gender, religion or place of belonging,” writes Snigdha Poonam in the insightful Dreamers: How Young Indians are Changing the World³⁹. Calling it a “tool of exclusion”, she says, “The problem now is not about the imposition of a colonial language on clueless natives, but an inequality of access.”

East or West, Which Is Best?

Things are not so simplistic on the cultural front. As both cultural and physical locations, rural aspirations tend to be oriented towards the urban; together, they ultimately look to the ‘First World’. First World or developed countries have been defined since the nineties as those that have a rich and stable, post-industrial capitalistic economy with advanced tech infrastructure; a high-functioning, stable democratic political system; a robust legal system; and a high standard of living[40] [41]. Most are white; many, including the all-important America, are erstwhile British colonies that have English-speaking populations. These factors combine to propagate their societies and ideologies as the universal ideal, at the cost of cultural relativism.

Simultaneously, colonialism in general and Macaulayism in particular served to devalue India’s indigenous cultures and traditions—creating the ‘cultural cringe’⁴² and ‘self-hatred’⁴³ described by postcolonial theorists. Thus, the definitions of terms like ‘modern’, ‘traditional’, ‘morality’, ‘global/Western/First World culture’, ‘Indian culture’ are rooted in power-laden discourses of progress.

The pluralities of global culture, laden with ideas of women’s liberation and modernity (among other things), gallop across India on the wings of the internet on smartphones, especially since the advent of cheap data plans from Jio in 2016. These ideas interact with regional and local societies and cultures, and have a trickle-down effect, percolating even the remotest villages I’ve visited—whether or not cultural custodians like it. On a winter day not so long ago, I watched a man teach his wife to drive a scooter on a village road. “Dekho, madam,” said one of my companions, picking up on a conversation we had just been having, “dus saal pehle toh yeh aurat ghoonghat mein hoti, ghar se bahar nahi nikalti; aur ab akeli road pe scooter chalayegi.”*

As English is now seen as a tool of commerce and not colonialism, its supremacy is established and accepted. But the adoption of global culture does not present such a clear and quantifiable value proposition, and so its hegemony is not established or wholeheartedly accepted. As regional and local constructions of cultural identity are under new pressures for transformation by global culture, equal and opposite reactions have also risen in protest. The backlash takes many forms, and can be seen in the rise of religious fundamentalism, ethnocentrism and nationalism; and—as I unravel later—honour killings*, men’s rights activism and gender violence.

The fight for cultural ascendancy and identity leads to multiple and complex dynamics, comprising comparison, conflict and coexistence… and constant change.

v. Masculinities & Violence Through the Lens of Class

India is indescribably complex. I have walked a tightrope between, on the one hand, painting our men with too broad a brush; stereotyping; homogenizing; essentializing; generalizing; masking enormous complexities in the actual lives of people; falling back on the trait conceptions of gender and listing an array of toxic traits; you get the drift. And, on the other, devolving into half-a-billion individual identities of Indian men, masculinities and minutiae that mutate by the minute. A mooring in social structure has been a must, and I have chosen the framework of social class. It is what I refer to as ‘class’ throughout this book.

I have constructed a classificatory system using the scale comprising religion and caste, the historicity and occupation of the family, education, language, culture, money and location. And then divided Indian society†, and men who rape, into upper, middle and lower social classes.

Through the life histories of my subjects, I have explored, in full and in context, the configurations of gender construction, dynamics and hierarchies, including the agency of women; multiple masculinities, including multiple hegemonic masculinities*; and reasons for rape in different social classes in India. This has allowed me to uncover the interplay between local, regional and global cultures of masculinities and gender—an intranational and international exploration into what unites these men and what divides them. Taking into account local, regional and global influences has given due importance to place and history. At the same time recognizing that different identities are intersectional and intersexual (if you’ll allow me to create or, rather, co-opt a word), as well as individual. How have the stock phrases about masculinity and sexual violence—‘power’, ‘patriarchy’, ‘privilege’, ‘the male role’, ‘the man box’, ‘manhood’, ‘machismo’, ‘manliness’, ‘male identity’, ‘male sexuality’, etc.—been embodied in these men within their environments?

To make any headway, I urge you to discount some exceptions and accept my classification of social class in India. Further, to see my critiques and findings within and across these classes as representative, if nothing more, of nothing more than the worst of their multiple masculinities. And also, to recognize that some reasons—Bollywood, pornography, abuse, news, etc.—apply across classes; they are just mentioned in the category where they first appear or are most relevant. And to indulge my occasional segue.

Presenting, here, why Indian men rape.

Section I:
Angry Young Men

Dipu Raja Yadav; 18; a village on the Uttar Pradesh-Madhya Pradesh border

Abbas Mirza; 36; Delhi

Bhaskar Prajapat; 34; a village in the Kathua district of Jammu and Kashmir

Chetan Tripathi; 31; Mumbai

1

Our Saviour Is Born!

Dipu Raja Yadav knew he was a Very Important Person from the moment he was born. Being the only boy of six children, the much-awaited son after several ‘unwanted daughters’ to boot, he was truly divine, the raja beta* everyone had been praying for. Literally praying—in the stolen moments I had with his ghoonghatted† mother, she spoke of her intensifying despair and the desperate fasts she had kept for a son. Her husband and in-laws had been incensed at the parade of daughters that had descended from her womb. One of her husband’s brothers had even married a second time after his first wife bore three girls. So when Dipu was born, “bhagwan ki kirpa se”‡, the midwife beat a brass thaali§ in ecstatic announcement. Savitri was finally the mother of a son. And the village pandit¶ had been summoned for as lavish a pooja* ceremony and feast as the family could afford.

Eighteen-or-so years after the momentous occasion of his birth, I had come to meet this man-child, out on bail, and accused of having participated in a gang rape. Amit and I had driven in from Bhopal through the historical town of Chanderi and further, as the roads gave way, to the village where Dipu’s family lived. We were in the shadow of the Rajghat Dam on the Betwa River that sits on the border between Uttar Pradesh (UP) and Madhya Pradesh (MP). The family was expecting us, the filmy folk from Mumbai, and we were welcomed into the public room of the two-roomed pistachio green mud home. One of Dipu’s sisters, a teenaged girl, also hidden under a ghoonghat, served us chai—so sugary it stunned even my fervent sweet tooth—and quickly retreated. As I drank it with difficulty under the watchful gaze of those in the room, the neighbours peeking three-deep from the window and door, and an assortment of children, I realized there was not another adult woman in sight.

***

We live in a particularly gendered society, with deeply entrenched rigid norms and overarching male bias that are instilled from birth—and often even well before. A version of the blessing ‘may you bear a hundred sons’ exists in many Indian languages. Stories abound of childless kings and their penances for a male child. There lives a thriving cottage industry—comprising gurus, quacks and custodians of sacred places—capitalizing on the hope and the promise to deliver a male child. And, although the government has banned sex-selective abortions, they are the primary cause, alongside better nutrition and medical care provided to boys, of India’s sixty-three million ‘missing girls’⁴⁴.

According to the Hindu belief system, it is only the male progeny that can perform the death rights of the father⁴⁵, among other things. Systems of belief from pre-agrarian times mean that, even today, the birth of a son is usually a cause for celebration and pride. The birth of a daughter (or, worse, a succession of daughters) can cause shame and sadness. Twenty-one million of these ‘unwanted girls’⁴⁶ exist in the country—their families culturally evolved enough not to kill them at birth, as they may have done barely a few generations ago, but not so far along as to actually want them. Statistically, families are more likely to stop having children when a son is born than when a daughter is⁴⁷.

Around the country, there are many customs and rituals to celebrate childbirth—several of which are not performed or even inverted for the birth of a girl. Case in point is the Kua Poojan, a custom in many communities spanning parts of Haryana, Rajasthan, Punjab and other north Indian states, that involves welcoming the birth of a male child by worshipping the family well or other source of drinking water. However, when a female is born, some of these communities deposit trash in dustbins instead. The myth goes that if the birth of a girl is celebrated, more girls will be born⁴⁸. In many north Indian communities, Savitri told me, a lactating mother gets forty-five days of rest and pampering upon the birth of a son; only fifteen or twenty after a daughter.

Dipu’s family situation typified all the sundry and sordid statistics and stereotypes. He was a small man with what us Indians refer to as a ‘wheatish’ complexion, with deep-set dark eyes and the beginnings of a moustache. For someone so young he had dark gutka-stained* teeth; it was a habit he developed young, he later revealed. That, and compulsive crotch-scratching, apparently.

***

When undertaking the unenviable job of visualizing, then analysing Dipu and company committing his gang rape, and another subject and his gang committing several of them, one of the things I wondered was, ‘Didn’t they feel shy, sabke saamne karte hue*?’ A little, if at all, I concluded. And I know the reasons why.

Since as far back as I can remember, I have had an acute problem with men urinating in public—as a matter of fact, it was the subject of my very first published article⁴⁹, in Man’s World magazine! Surprisingly, or not, the theme of the Public Display of Penis, in general, and of public peeing, in particular, emerged when researching this book.

“It is perfectly okay for young men to walk around displaying their genitals, whereas women have to cover up at a much younger age. Men grow up proud of their genitals and with the ability to publicly display them,” Dr Ravi Verma, regional director, Asia, of the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) and one of India’s leading gender experts, tells me. Which they do when they pee in public—using urine to mark territory and claim space (literally the way animals do); furthering penis privilege.

The oft-discussed⁵⁰ crotch-scratching habit of many Indian men can be seen as a consequence as well as a symbol of this penis privilege. When the heat makes nether regions itchy, it permits men to scratch, even in public. It also allowed the three of my subjects who were aroused when we were discussing the intimate questions to obviously, overtly touch themselves in my presence†. Penis privilege also empowers men to perpetrate rape with and in front of their friends in public sans shyness—and even with pride!

As with most creatives revisiting old creations, I cringe—ugh, the ranting I passed as writing at twenty-three. Anyway, this is what I wrote then: “I think, being allowed to piss anywhere, at will and leisure, is the first sociological step to making Indian men the patriarchal MCPs* that they tend to be. After all, little boys are taught that they never need have any control, never need have any respect for general and personal space. And that they are entitled to impose their bodily fluids and penises on the world at large. And that little girls are not allowed to do any of that.”

Peeing in public came up with three of the grassroots activists I spoke to, as both, a cause of rape, and a symptom of the attitudes that cause it. Flashing, indecent exposure is a sexual crime, FFS†—and here it is the norm.

***

In general, Dipu had had a happy, carefree childhood. The girls did the household work and babysitting, and never left the home unsupervised; the boys took care of the cows and buffaloes but, other than that, they did a lot of “mauj-masti”‡ in the fields. They’d have the best times during family weddings and when the pandals§ for Goddess Durga were erected during the Navratri festival.

His father and elder cousins, never the mother, would beat the kids with their hands or sometimes a stick. For Dipu, it was usually for playing truant from school and general naughtiness. His father was feared and never questioned; his mother was loved. Cuddling and kissing had petered out very early. “I don’t think I have ever hugged my father. My mother, when I was young.” This, I learnt, was because of the prevalence of the purdah tradition.

Now, my understanding of life in purdah had been limited to the physical separation of genders; instead, it means so much more, of which the ghoonghat is only a manifestation. I was given an on-the-ground crash course. Central to this complex system is respect for older males, whether relatives or community elders. These are some of the codes of conduct: the senior of two elders in the room must never be addressed. An elder brother can never see the face of his sister-in-law. If a child falls over, you cannot pick it up in front of the elder, the elder will. A husband or wife must never be spoken to in front of the elders. The mother must be honoured in precedence over the wife, who has the lowest standing in the household. “There is a lot of shame in the display of feelings. Showing love is quite embarrassing, and never done directly, especially in front of an elder. Only elder sons are ever shown affection,” Amit explained. The Accused Inmate reflects on this stigmatizing of all love, especially romantic, even between husband and wife: “Even the most hardened men will drop their façades and break down in jail, and everyone’s very supportive. Even then, they’ll say they’re missing their brother, niece, nephew, but never the wife.”

Love is not normal, neither normalized. A man who loves is disdained, seen as less of a man. All male-female love with romantic and sexual overtones—even within the socially approved union of husband and wife—feels almost illicit, steeped in shame, somewhat dishonourable even, and private time is limited to hidden fumbles in the dark. Men are expected to be more attached to and prioritize their natal families over their wives and children—which many do. For five of my seven subjects who were or had been married, their parents were evidently more important than their wives. This ideology has complex ramifications. It means that they do not legislate, negotiate with the patriarch or the patriarchy on behalf of their women. It also means there are fewer barriers to marital rape.

There had been a little quarrelling between Dipu’s parents: “Sometimes daddy would get drunk and do gaali-galoch* with mummy, but by morning it would be resolved.” Expressing anger in front of the kids was apparently okay; communicating love or even logistical things (of the ‘what do you want for breakfast’, ‘where are you going’ variety) was not. Savitri would never address their father in front of them (the origin of the much-parodied ‘Chunnu-Munnu ke papa’* line from movies of yore).

***

Munna, Dipu’s father, told me about how men of his generation moulded themselves according to the ‘perfect’ Maryada Purushottam Rama†; about the lessons in the Ramayana, Mahabharata and Bhagavad Gita. Dipu narrated a fairly accurate synopsis of the Ramayana and talked about Rama Rajya, influences I do not consider at all inconsistent with the things I discovered about them.

Dr Vidya Kamat of the Talking Myths Project, the legendary mythologist who studies and teaches ancient Indian cultures, rattles off a whole host of examples as she tells me about the development of “cultural memory”: “Myths are not innocent, they are a kind of language. They are deeply coded with symbols that lead to the creation of an ideology which is difficult to erase.” But, “the meanings have been wiped out, the stories have remained,” she says. Many myths have sexual symbolism; from many of these, the subliminal metaphorical connotations have been erased while the stories persist. If taken in conjunction with myth expert and author of Sita’s Ramayana, Samhita Arni’s observation in The Hindu⁵¹—that “[t]he stories that are most often told, are interpreted in ways that seem, subtly or overtly, to affirm traditional prejudices that result in regressive practices”—their impact is exponentially worse.

It is beyond the scope of this book to deeply analyse the complicated issue of gender in the ‘little traditions’ or in Brahminical Hinduism’s dominant texts (though I do pick up this theme later). But it is plain to see that egalitarian ideas, including feminism, are at odds with the hierarchical Indian social structure advocated by Manu, ‘the progenitor of mankind’ in his book of laws⁵². And, in many places, the influence of socioreligious tenets continues to supersede other doctrines including our democratic Constitution. Munna grumbled bitterly about the loosening of traditional decorum through the influence of the city way of life—from the ebbing respect for elders to the government’s abolition of untouchability; from (what he considered) PDA* to the rising equality of women.

***

Dipu had chosen not to study beyond class two/three and couldn’t read or write; Gyandev, his older and worldlier cousin held a bachelor’s degree. Never offered a choice, the sisters had dropped out of school early, if they had started at all—“There is a lot of housework to be done, plus they have to stay behind the purdah.” Dipu was blissfully unconscious of the circularity of his argument when he said that women could be considered equals if they worked and earned, a possibility thwarted by their families’ unwillingness to educate and empower them in the first place. He struggled with this idea of a superior woman, however, because I noticed that he oftentimes slipped and addressed me with the irreverent “tum”†. (It was heartening to note that Gyandev educated both his daughter and son—she did better than him as she was studious and he was naughty.)

Gyandev admitted that, growing up, the girls were given less food. Dipu, with the breathtaking lack of self-awareness typical of a child so spoilt, believed that everything had been split equally between the siblings—though obviously the women ate after serving his father, then him. And it was he who got to choose what to watch when they sat to watch the TV they had recently acquired. (Action films mostly, Sunny Deol was his favourite.) Sometime in their childhood, around puberty, the girls in his family and community all turned vegetarian, like their mothers. I was explained that, “Pooja is the ladies’ job in the house. The kuldevta* instructs that the women conducting the rituals are not to eat meat. He will get angry.” Meanwhile, “the men will eat a human if he’s cooked well.” Periods were celebrated the first time as the harbinger of fertility, then subsequently stigmatized—women ate alone, didn’t wash their hair, touched no one but their husbands and didn’t go to the temple. The women also kept fasts for Chhath Pooja, in honour of the sun god; for Karva Chauth, to pray for the long life of their husbands; for the whole of the holy month of Kartik, for a whole host of spiritual benefits; and more.

Without digressing into the pros and cons of vegetarianism or fasting, here is the evident use of notions of religious purity to suppress and control the appetites of women, which specifically target the twin evolutionary urges of hunger and lust. “If she wants food, she is a glutton. If she wants sex, she is a slut,” Jess Zimmerman writes in her sharp essay ‘Hunger Makes Me’⁵³. As girls are taught early, a woman’s hunger, in contrast to a man’s, “always overreaches, because it is not supposed to exist.” Unsurprisingly, when we went to the local dhaba†, the meat dishes were automatically placed in front of the men.

***

A gendered and hierarchical environment is bad for the girls, obviously, but it traps all humans in its web. Once human characteristics are firmly separated into purush, masculine and prakriti, feminine, everyone loses. Through the home environment, the actions and words of older male ‘role models’, and general cultural socialization, all my subjects learnt similar behavioural lessons early. Since boys rule the world and girls are weak, boys are prevented from showing any feminine interests or qualities. Boys can’t display love, pain or other nuanced emotions, and anger is the only acceptable emotion they can show. They don’t learn to share or empathize. These rules cripple and degrade even those that patriarchy apparently favours⁵⁴.

Male superiority is more apparent through comparison, where there are children of both sexes in the family. Some years ago, at my late grandfather’s eightieth birthday party, I walked into a conversation between my grandmother and a daughter of her brother’s. One of three adult siblings, two ill-treated sisters and a delinquent brother, she was complaining about my grandmother’s maiden family’s preference for boys. “There isn’t one,” I piped in, never having felt denied for my gender by anyone around me. “That’s because you don’t have a brother,” she retorted.

While there is something to be said about the fact that my family was content with one solitary grandchild, a girl at that, I saw her point.

But although thirty-six-year-old Abbas Mirza grew up as the eldest of ten surviving children, six boys and four girls, in an extremely gendered Muslim family, his childhood had been a particularly unhappy one.

***

The Trans Yamuna area is often seen as a place where the dreams of millions who reach the capital seeking a better life than in the villages lie in waiting; far from the ostentatious weddings and power broking that goes on elsewhere in the capital. It is best known for its close resemblance to hell and considered so notoriously lawless that my family’s trusted former driver, Sunil, tried his damnedest to prevent me from even going there. Once I did, it did not take much to convince me to stay in a ‘safer’ part of Delhi for the duration of the study.

The large main roads divide and subdivide ad nauseam, until we were in a tributary so narrow it’s barely a car’s breadth wide. Take a wrong turn, and you could lose yourself and several hours in a labyrinth of chaotic little gullies* beyond the assistance of Google Maps, as Amit and I discovered on the first two days of my interview. At some point of our trip, the closed-drain sewerage system gave way to open gutters on either side of the concrete road. A satellite view of where we were shows kilometres of undulating, sweeping grey; a confusion of narrow, one-storeyed houses crammed densely together. Pipes project from the bottoms of these houses that line the street, spewing sewage and other effluents directly into the frothy festering faecal sludge that flows sluggishly, sometimes overflows; its grey burdened and brightened by the multi-coloured plastics that choke up the bends. The smell, coupled with the rancid thick industrial smog of Delhi in December, suffocated us and stung our eyes. Kids play here, doctors practise here, grocers sell basics from sparsely stocked kirana† stores. We stepped across a gutter to enter one of the largest, tallest houses on the street, the grand home of Syed Mirza and his triple-XL brood.

Abbas wasn’t home yet, though we were a couple of hours late. It turned out that, during the time of this study, a brother-in-law of his was really sick, and they would be away doing the rounds of hospitals while we waited in the sickeningly dirty living room. This allowed me the opportunity to speak to others in the family, especially the women, much more than I would have otherwise. The first person to engage was his father.

A long, long time ago, seventy-year-old Syed “ran away” to Delhi from his village in the Bijnor District in UP. He came from a family of zamindars* (apparently in charge of many villages, variously described as forty-two, sixty-two and sixty-five) that had remained wealthy and influential even after the system was abolished in 1951. There wasn’t any residual resentment about the loss of land to the government, though, because there was recognition that the family was so large now, seventy years and several generations later, that the descendants would’ve been left fighting for crumbs anyway. I surmised that branches of the family that had remained in the ancestral kothi† must now live in abject squalor.

As a young man, he had been running a family business in which he caused losses that led to a fight; ashamed and angry, he had gathered his young wife and left. With his share of the family wealth he’d tried his hand at many businesses in Delhi since, some less unsuccessful than others. “Ask my sons how many businesses their father has had,” he laughed. His most recent one, as a cloth merchant, had been doing well until the double shocks of demonetization and the implementation of the complicated GST system meant he had had to shut down his store. Abbas, a tall-ish man with a bit of flab where muscle would’ve been, also worked in the garment industry, running a small sweatshop of sorts. When he was not being a notorious criminal and trying his hand at politics, that was.

Just because Syed had fulfilled his duty by having as many children as he could did not mean he fulfilled his duty of care towards them—financially or emotionally. That he would spend on feeding and clothing himself, on sex workers, parties and alcohol, oblivious to the plight of his barely fed and clothed family was something I heard from everybody I spoke to. Two little mouths had been sent to their maternal grandparents in Muzaffarnagar, never to return. For a while, the mother had sold clothes door-to-door to make ends meet, and was too consumed in the struggle to survive to compensate for the lost love. “She shouldn’t have had children with the man if she knew he was like this,” said Abbas, who she called her favourite. Karima, in turn, justified her decision: “Regardless of how the man in the family is, he should be offered the supreme position. In our religion, it is said that if Allah didn’t exist, women would have offered their prayers to their husbands.” (Yes, Karima did indeed follow the teachings of the holy book regarding marital relations—“righteous women are devoutly obedient”—although Syed neither protected nor maintained her as he should have done⁵⁵.)

***

Syed’s violence towards Karima and the brothers had been extreme. She showed me an old scar above her eyebrow from one of the worst incidents. This had impacted Abbas (and his siblings) as one would expect. As the CEO and founder of Promundo, an international NGO that promotes gender equality among men and boys; the author of several books; and much more, Dr Gary Barker is one of the most influential people in gender policy on the planet. “The strongest factor—not to say that it is the only reason—for gender violence is seeing your father use violence against your mother in the household,” he tells me.

Living with domestic violence, in a household that is unpredictable, dominated by fear and filled with tension and anxiety, causes children to suffer emotional and psychological trauma. They see their mother threatened or physically or sexually assaulted and will often overhear conflict and violence. They also see the aftermath of the violence such as their mother’s injuries and her traumatic response. Their trauma has been found to be “similar to that experienced by children who are victims of child abuse.”⁵⁶

These children worry about the future—they try to predict when it might happen next, and to protect themselves and their siblings. Getting through each day is the main objective so there is little time left for fun, relaxation or planning for the future.

In addition to the emotional, physical, social and behavioural damage, statistics show that domestic violence can also become a learned behaviour. Children may grow up thinking it is “okay to use violence to get what they want and that it is okay for there to be violence in their relationships.”

***

In an environment where the father, simply by virtue of being the Man of the House, was the more esteemed parent, Syed’s indifference and “gair zimmedaari”* greatly hurt the children. “We would see other kids, whose parents cared for and loved them. We felt jealous of them. Mine didn’t even bother to go to school and check whether I was studying or not,” lamented Abbas. Worse, “If someone ever complained about our behaviour, he would fulfil his responsibility by beating us up. He didn’t try to understand us at all.” The violence had started at ten or thereabouts (and in a later, unrelated conversation, he would tell me that his happy memories all predated that age, no coincidence there).

***

Nita Gopal, the founder of the reputed qualitative research firm NG Works and advisor on this project, points me to the interesting contrast between the child-rearing approaches of non-agrarian or developed economies and agrarian ones. Broadly speaking, in individualist societies, as developed economies tend to be, the ultra-tight controls imposed on the child are released upon adulthood, where individual choice takes precedence. Conversely, in collectivist cultures, the child can do no wrong, and is given free reign until adolescence, when freedoms are gradually revoked and the expectation of socioreligious conformity sets in. A Muslim father I met on my research tour told me (what he believed to be) the Islamic rules for childrearing: be a slave to them until they’re seven; make them slaves between seven and fourteen and be their friend thereafter. This was evidently the pattern of upbringing for the boys in Abbas’s and even Dipu Yadav’s households. (The girls never experienced as much, or any, preadolescent liberty and carried higher expectations of postadolescent compliance.)

As consensus⁵⁷ among experts is that a child’s personality is set before the age of ten, this approach to upbringing has several common-sense negatives that become apparent in these men’s cases. Without being taught the word ‘no’ early in life, these boys grew up entitled, proud and egoistic; impatient; and sans self-control and the ability to follow rules. In an article about behavioural problems in children in Psychology Today, the renowned family therapist Dr Marilyn Wedge acclaims⁵⁸ the French philosophy of discipline. Children are exposed to consistently enforced clear limits and structure that, the parents feel, make them feel happier and safer. “French parents believe that hearing the word ‘no’ rescues children from the ‘tyranny of their own desires’.”

In the current period of cultural transformation, where each successive generation is more ‘modern’ and resistant to the pull of conformity than the last, it would appear that boys have no rules in their (collectivist) childhoods and want none in their (individualist) adulthoods. This can make the abrupt transition from freedom to conformity even harder for parents to institute than it had already been—like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted—which is why they often resort to violence as a solution to intergenerational conflict.

***

The father’s violence towards Abbas Mirza and his brothers was shocking. “Those instances made a home in our minds,” he said poetically in his lyrical Urdu-flavoured Hindi. If there is a positive to be found in the gender binaries of this household, it was that the girls, “more diligent by nature”, were never beaten. (Not by nature, no, but because girls are made to conform from an early age.) The boys had been stripped naked and made to stand outside the house in the winter; beaten, once with a hot pan.

Everyone I spoke to brought up one particular incident that stood out even in this saga of continuous brutality. At sixteen, several years after the launch of his criminal career and shortly after the “love of [his] life” had killed herself, Abbas had got into a knife fight in public. (The rival had initiated it; Abbas had escalated it by taking the knife to the ring, tucked in his belt.) People had gathered to watch but everyone ran away when the knife emerged.

The news of the attempted stabbing reached Syed, who arrived at the venue of this fight. There, he had started to beat Abbas up. Dragging him by the hair, he beat him all the way home. “I even cried out to strangers on the way, asking them to save me.” The beating continued at home. A little later, as the bruised boy was sitting on the bed, his father came at him, brandishing a stick. “He aimed for my head, but I managed to turn away.” Instead, he had been hit so badly on the groin that he started bleeding. “But he wasn’t satisfied after all of this. He sat on my stomach and tried to strangle me with a hose. Luckily, my uncle saved me.” Abbas had been rushed to hospital where he had to be operated for internal injuries. If it had been the head…

Alongside watching the father beat the mother and experiencing a lack of love, facing repeated violence at the hands of the father and/or other older males is a theme that recurs with my subjects, across the class spectrum. (Five of nine had been beaten repeatedly by fathers, six counting other older males.) While the kind Abbas had faced, that resulted in a hernia operation, is extreme, another subject had a scar across his arm to show for his abuse. This is not to say that all men who rape have experienced childhood violence, or that all those who experience childhood violence will go on to rape. But empirical evidence, hundreds of global studies of criminals of various types, and plain common sense show that violence begets violence. Violence violates a child’s rights and autonomy. Beyond the obvious physical harm, an abused child develops an association between violence, and adulthood, power and problem solving; trust and self-esteem issues; antisocial and aggressive behaviours; and what is referred to as “poor moral internalisation”⁵⁹. Worst, the child develops an association between violence and love—especially when only ‘loved ones’ are allowed to hurt you! It all stands to reason. And yet, in spite of being outlawed, corporal punishment is still rampant in schools, especially in rural areas. And in homes, domestic violence is normalized as a tool to discipline a child and a wife, tenacious conventional ‘wisdom’ of its moral rightness carried from generation to generation in older India.

Extreme violence can infect whole families for generations to come, as ‘hurt people hurt people’. By all accounts including his own, Abbas nursed a lot of hurt and anger. “The biggest reason we turned out like this is because of our father.” Because of the neglect they had sought validation; because of the subjugation they had sought power; because of the violence, they “weren’t afraid of anything else.” A life of gang membership beckoned the brothers, starting with Abbas. But the malevolent influence of the father had impacted more than just his choice of career.

***

To avoid the crowds that would gather at the house when I was there, I’d interview Dipu Yadav in various places—in my hotel room, at the dam, in a local monument, on an overnight visit to a jail in another town. Gyandev joined our conversations on occasion and, when he did, contributed enthusiastically to overshadow Dipu. (I would learn later that there was a bit of jealousy in the family about why the film writer had chosen to study Dipu and not him, the more successful cousin. Little did he know.) He and other older men in the house would keep reminding Dipu of his place—“He is very young, not very wise yet”; “He is counted among the children of the house, not the elders”—much to Dipu’s obvious discomfort.

As the boys grew, this they knew: whatever subtle-or-not Oedipal conflict power tussles they were involved in with their fathers and/or other older, superior men in their families, they were always loved by and better than all the women around, who they had to protect and control. The boys knew they had an absolute entitlement to power.

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Footnote

Introduction

*And so, to state the obvious in anticipation of a legal and cultural backlash, this book contains strong themes, language and opinions. You must be at least eighteen years old to proceed.

*India is so complex that it has been difficult to encapsulate a vertical slice of it, or even of the masculinities of its men, in this book. In addition, the reasons for rape vary across cultures. Therefore, I humbly beg off any understanding or explanation of global or even South Asian gender relations and violence.

†Sansani khabaren: Shocking news

*Bahina: Sister

†Problem kya hai ki kissi ko pata hi nahi rape kya hai: The problem is, no one knows what rape is.

‡‘Forced-arranged marriages’ are distinct from ‘arranged marriages’.

§I too found out belatedly that the ‘feeble no’ was not the legal principle on which the judge’s decision was based; it was merely an observation.

*Sanskaari: Cultured, traditional

*Kurta: A loose collared Indian-style shirt

†Name changed to protect identity.

‡ABCD: American Born Confused Desi, a reference to second- or third- generation NRIs in general.

§Badmaash: Hooligan

*Dabangg: Fearless, forceful

†ICE: In Case of Emergency

*Savarna: High caste. The fact is, urban, well-to-do and well-educated upper-caste women dominate the most visible form of feminism in India. Many of us are blind to our privilege—rather, intersection of privileges—and drown out grassroots, low-caste feminisms.

*IRL: In Real Life

*Dekho, madam, dus saal pehle toh yeh aurat ghoonghat mein hoti, ghar se bahar nahi nikalti; aur ab akeli road pe scooter chalayegi: Look, madam, ten years ago, this woman would’ve been veiled, she wouldn’t leave the house; now she will drive a scooter alone on the road.

*I have used ‘honour killing’ in single quotes throughout this book because there is nothing moral or ethical about murder. Likewise with ‘honour’: in the context of murder, and in other contexts explored later, it is time we reinvent what the word means.

†I also recognize my place in this hierarchy, and it has been my privilege to write this book on so many levels.

*Hegemonic masculinity: In simple terms, there are multiple forms of masculinity that vary across time, place and person. The form, or forms, that preach and practice the dominance of men, and the subordination of women, other genders and even ‘feminine’ men is called ‘hegemonic masculinity’. Much more on this later.

1. Our Saviour Is Born!

*Raja beta: Literally, ‘king son’; conveying that the son is the apple of their eyes

†Ghoonghat: A veil worn by some Hindu women to cover their heads and faces

‡Bhagwan ki kirpa se: By the grace of god

§Thaali: Plate

¶pandit: Hindu priest

*Pooja: Prayer

*Gutka: Chewing tobacco

*Sabke saamne karte hue: Doing it in front of everyone

†Judging by the absence of the usual signs of arousal, not by the absence of this inappropriate behaviour, the rest weren’t aroused. For whatever reason. Maybe the mood wasn’t right. Maybe it was the presence of Amit or, in one’s case, his wife. Maybe I just wasn’t their type! Whatever. With them, the conversation remained largely clinical.

*MCP: Male Chauvinist Pig

†FFS: For Fuck’s Sake

‡Mauj-masti: Fun and frolic

§Pandal: A marquee or temporary structure constructed for social or religious occasions

*Gaali-galoch: Hurl abuses

*Chunnu-Munnu ke papa: The father of Chunnu and Munnu

†Maryada Purushottam Rama: ‘Maryada’ literally means ‘propriety of conduct’; ‘Purushottam’ means ‘best among men’. Many Hindu men believe that Lord Rama’s conduct in various situations is meant to serve as guiding principles for life.

*PDA: Public Display of Affection

†Tum: An informal version of ‘you’; less reverent than the word ‘aap’

*Kuldevta: The clan deity, in charge of family matters

†Dhaba: A roadside food stall

*Gully: Lane

†Kirana: A small grocery store, usually family owned

*Zamindar: A landowner of tenanted farms, under the zamindari system

†Kothi: Bungalow

*Gair zimmedaari: Irresponsibility

2. It Takes a Village

*Sanskritization: The process by which castes or tribes lower in the caste hierarchy seek upward mobility by emulating the upper or dominant castes

*Janmabhoomi: Birthplace, homeland

†Hafta: Commission

‡Pukka: Literally, ‘ripened’; in this context, ‘hardened’

§Kachcha: Literally ‘raw’; in this context, ‘petty’

*Namaste: A customary greeting

†Khaandaani: Familial

*Haveli: Bungalow

†Ulta samaaj: Wrong caste, Dalit

*Teen-patti: A card game that involves gambling

*Confusingly, within the space of gender and violence, the acronym ‘CSE’ is used as above, as well as for Child Sexual Exploitation and Commercial Sexual Exploitation!

*Kaam chalau: Stop gap, use-and-throw

†Dipu was my first interview in Hindi. I would find that all my Hindi-speaking subjects used the English word ‘setting’ for a ‘romantic and/or sexual arrangement’.

*Gopis: The female cowherds known for their unconditional devotion to Lord Krishna

†Woh doosre ladkon ko bhi life de rahi thi: She was going around/sleeping with other boys as well

‡Aukaad: While it does not have an equivalent word in English, justifiable synonyms in this context would be ‘class’, ‘level’, ‘standard’

*Harami: Sinner

*Rakhi: A bracelet a woman ties on the wrist of her brother or someone she considers as one during Raksha Bandhan, who in turn promises to protect her

†Awaara: Rogue

‡History-sheeter: A person with a criminal record

*Gundagiri: Hooliganism

†Gunda: Hooligan, goon

*Chamcha: Sycophant, hanger-on

†Izzat: Honour, respect

‡Buildinge: Buildings

§Bangla: Bungalow

¶Gaadi: Car

**PYT: Pretty Young Thing

*Ayaashiyan: Vices

*Atheni: A men’s-only gathering space—an empty room in a house or a hut in the fields. I have lunched at one of these places with Dipu; his father, Munna; his friend, Vivek; a couple of other men; and Amit (of course), pepper spray firmly by my side.

*Ladaii: Fight

*I have used ‘virginity’ in single quotes throughout this book because it is not a physical or biological state related to the hymen as we have been told, but a social and patriarchal construct that has been used to subjugate women for centuries.

*Geri: A cultural practice of men, often intoxicated, aimlessly driving cars with blaring music through the streets of the city, and following women

†Vipreet buddhi: A contrarian, aggressive state of mind

*Kachchee sharaab: Illegal home-brewed crude alcohol

†Ghar ka saamaan bikna chaalu ho jaata hai: You have to start selling things from your house

‡Although changing the cultural narrative around alcohol is the best long-term option (and, as a liberal, I have a complicated relationship with prohibitions), there is no denying the immediate positive effects that banning alcohol has had on the lives of women in Gujarat. Most studies in general find a clear link between men drinking less and less violence against women.
Regarding the recent ban in Bihar, though, a well-connected friend from Patna tells me that, owing to poor law enforcement and cultural resistance, it has resulted in a thriving mafia-controlled black market, with guns et al, and an increase in crime. Oh well.

*Pakoda: Fritter

†Jawan: Soldier

*Kachcha: Literally, ‘raw’; in this context, ‘crude’

*PC: Politically Correct

*Kya acting kari thi aapne!: What great acting you did!

3. Loving Me Loving You

*Darshan: Literally, ‘an opportunity to see or an occasion of seeing a holy person or the image of a deity’; used colloquially to mean ‘tour’

*Main kamyaabi ko haasil nahi kar paaya: I have not been able to achieve success

*Aankhon hi aankhon mein ishaara ho gaya: The eyes signalled to each other. An enduring line—and idea—from a 1950s song by the same name.

†Chawl: A large building divided into small cheap tenements

‡Maal bigad chuka tha, til lag chuka tha: The goods were spoiled and stained

*Jaise Bunty aur Babli: Like Bunty and Babli

*Usske dimaag mein khichidi pak rahi hai, main soch raha tha ki woh khichidi main kaise khaaun: Something was cooking in her mind, and I was figuring out how to have a taste of it.

†Masala: Spice

‡Here, I must address—and summarily dismiss—the theory that ideas received through film, news, porn, language, etc have no impact on behaviour. Art reflects society, sure; but society, in turn, learns from art frozen in form and time. If one argues, as I did about myths, that the films most recalled are simply those that resonate with the pre-existing ideas of the individual and the collective, my rebuttal is that a film legitimizes those ideas. In the big picture, to suggest no impact of ideas received through the media is to suggest no impact of learning, nurture, culture on behaviours—which defies all that I saw in my subjects and, simply, common sense.

*Junglee: Wild, uncouth

†‘Akele Akele Kahaan Jaa Rahe Ho’: Where are you going all alone?

*Na na karte pyaar tumhi se kar baithe: While I kept saying no, I fell in love with you. A lasting refrain from a once-popular song of the same name.

†Khaali-peeli, khaali-peeli rokne ka nahi, tera peecha karoon toh tokne ka nahi. Hai tujhpe right mera: Don’t protest if I stalk you or block your path. I have every right on you … From the song ‘Tu Mere Agal Bagal Hai’.

*Sabhyata: Culture

*Bandook: Gun

†Bottal: Bottle

‡Kaddu: Pumpkin

§Halwa: Sweet dish

¶Afghan jalebi: Sweet dish from Afghanistan

**Male gaze: A term coined by the British feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey in the seventies to describe the act of depicting women and the world from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and represents women as sexual objects for the pleasure of the male viewer.

*Given his vintage, I was surprised to find that Sunny Deol was quite the favourite: here, and among men in north Indian villages, where he came up often in conversations. And that the most popular star in the country by far, Salman Khan didn’t come up. Nonetheless, I found Being Bhaijaan, a documentary about his onscreen persona and its impact on the ground, very revealing about a facet of Indian men and masculinity.

†Humne Paro ko chhod diya lekin daaru ko nahi chhodenge: I have left (my love) Paro but will never leave alcohol

‡Ladkiyon ke ghar ke aagey geriyan lagaatey hain, ussey phool detey hain, I love you kehtey hain: We take rounds outside girls’ houses, give them flowers, say I love you

*Gussa aana aur maarna pyaar ki nishaaniyan hain: Getting angry and violent are signs of love

†‘Plays’ being the operative word. There is a culture clash and communication gap between those following this sexual script (women included), and those advocating the ‘no means no’ and ‘yes means yes’ models of consent.

*Upar se: Literally, ‘from the top’, thus ‘superficial’

†Thruple: A balanced, consensual and committed relationship between three partners

*Ussne colony mein robh jama ke rakha hua hai: He lords over the colony

†Zimmedaar: Responsible

‡Burqa: A long, loose garment covering the whole body from head to feet, worn in public by many Muslim women

§Salwar kameez: A tunic and pleated, tapering pants worn by women from South Asia

*Woh padhi-likhi thi, ussne job bhi kiya tha. Shaadi ke baad ghar pe baithke unka mann nahi laga: She was educated and had even held a job. She did not take to sitting at home after marriage

†Zarooraten: Needs

*Bai: Maid

*Jio se free internet band karo: Shut down the free internet from Jio

*What we do about (the acute negatives of) pornography and sex work become challenging questions, each with lengthy and complex answers. From the Captain Obvious department: we cannot ban either and we need healthy, non-judgemental CSE.

4. Of Human Rights & Wrongs

*WTF: What the Fuck

†Maa-behen: Mother and sister

*The dehumanization-objectification hypothesis is foundational to feminist theory, and, like others did/do, I regarded it as the absolute, indisputable truth for twenty-odd years. And so, after I encountered this exact opposite concept, it took me a while and the reading of Paul Bloom’s eye-opening book Against Empathy to wrap my head around it.
But I’ve noticed that laypeople—those without pre-established notions on the subject—viscerally agree with this new hypothesis. At a talk I gave, and in conversations with my uncle and a co-passenger on a train, both from the corporate world, I heard that this, rather than dehumanization, is what “makes perfect sense as a motive for violence.” Figures, eh?

*Aag lag jaati hai aur bomb phoot jaate hain: There is fire, there are explosions

†Tung karna: Trouble

*Kai baar, yeh toh hota hi rehta hain: Many times, this keeps happening

†Shaitani: Devilishness; playful, reckless, naughty, mischievous behaviour not intended to cause serious harm

*Tum kaun hote ho?: Who are you to tell me what to do?

†Zabardasti: By force

‡Mental: He used the English word; it means ‘crazy’ in Hinglish

§Sabak sikhaake chhodunga: I will teach (her) a lesson

¶Tamasha: Spectacle

*Usske bigadne ke chances the: There were chances that he would go down the wrong path

†Court-kacheri ka chakkar: Rounds and complications of courts

*Suhaag raat: First night after the wedding

†Bhabhi: Literally, ‘elder brother’s wife’, also used to refer to and respectfully address ‘a married woman slightly older than yourself’

‡Upyog: Both ‘use’ and ‘used’

§Maine usska upyog kiya: I used her

*Pati dev: Literally, ‘husband god’

†Shaadi ke baad rape kaisa?: What do you mean by rape after marriage?

*Angrez chale gaye, IPC chhod gaye: The English have left, and they’ve left us with the IPC

*Zila: District

*Dushmani: Enmity

*(Almost) All women I know have been sexually violated, often more than once. (Almost) None had reported. The stats are horrific. But when I would tell male friends all this, I would sometimes be met with grudging belief. All women? Really?
Then one of them sent me this text: “This #MeToo thing is exactly what you’ve been talking about, eh?”

*Agar bartan jhootha bhi kar diya ho, toh todne ki zaroorat thodi hai: Even if you have used/dirtied/soiled a utensil, you don’t need to break it

*Chhiyattariya: From ‘chhihattar’, the Hindi word for seventy-six

*Kya karoon, sahib, item hi aisi hai toh dil lag jaata hai: What could I do, sir, the item is so great I couldn’t help it. An ‘item’ is a ‘woman who is a looker’, like those that dance to ‘item numbers’ in Bollywood films.

*Mujhe kya hona hai?: What will ever happen to me?

5. A Dog Eat Dog (& Bitches) World

*Dadagiri: Thuggery

†Tedhe kaam: Crooked methods

*Tarakki: Progress

*Paisa: Money

†Pehchaan: Identity

*Khichdi: Literally, ‘a dish mixing rice and lentils’; here, ‘confusion’

†Gunah: Crime

‡Haram: Forbidden or proscribed by Islamic law

§Najaayaz: Illegitimate

¶Galat kaam: Wrong thing

*Achchhi rahegi na? Ya kidhar bhaag jayegi kissi ke saath?: You will stay good, right? Or will you run away with someone?

*Aadmi log hi zyaada barbaad ho rahe hain: It’s men’s lives that are being ruined (more than women’s)

*Saale, girlfriend ne hi toh bhikaari banaaya hai!: Dude, it’s because of my girlfriend that I became a beggar in the first place!

†Jis hisaab se banaayi gayi hai duniya, waise rakkho toh achchha hai: Keep the world the way it was made

*Kudiyon ka hain zamaana … Aap log kuch bhi kar sakte ho ab: It’s a woman’s world … You women can do anything you want now

†In stating that the cause for his anger and aggression is affirmative action and a lack of women’s sexual acquiescence, I reiterate that positive discrimination to right the wrongs of historical patriarchy continues to be necessary, and not everyone has the right to sex.

*Ek din main ussko aise kaat dalunga: One day I’ll slaughter her like that

SECTION II: Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

*I have had to take extra care to disguise the identities of these two subjects and their survivors to make them impossible to unmask—adding small fictional details and conflating their stories. For instance, who is in Bengaluru, who in Pune, or are they in other tier-one cities entirely? Who is of which caste? (Both upper, therefore interchangeable for the purposes of this book.) Make of them what you will.

6. Eyes Wide Open

*Savita Bhabhi: In the words of her creator, this sari-clad married housewife character represents a woman who a man is “not supposed to be attracted to” but has been at some point in his life, listing older women “a teacher, an aunt”, among other examples. She is the stereotype of a woman who is “not supposed to be attracted to other men” but—as the star of an eponymous pornographic webcomic—she allays her loneliness and horniness by indulging her indiscriminate sexuality.

*Junot Diaz’s ‘The Silence: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma’ in The New Yorker is a breathtaking account of what the experience of being raped at nine did to the Pulitzer-Prize-winning author. When accusations of abuse against him followed this piece, it was seen as pre-emptive apologia; a powerful man afraid of what #MeToo would reveal.

*Body bhi thi, josh bhi tha: I could (physically, sexually) and I was excited to

7. Minds & Madness, Methods & Means

*Fresh banna hua bread mein har koi chakhna chahega: Everyone would like a taste of freshly made bread

*Agar unse bhi control nahi hota hain toh…: If even people like them can’t control themselves…

*The Complete Man: Based on a long-running, iconic campaign for a suiting brand, this instantly recognizable aspirational archetype of Indian man and masculinity is traditional yet modern; strong yet emotional and vulnerable; the best of all worlds.

8. King of the Jungle

*Mera Sade Sati chal raha hai: I’m going through Sade Sati—a seven-and-a-half-year-long bad period in life according to Indian astrology

*If I ever had any reservations about the need for and efficacy of reservations, they were successfully put to rest by this one incident:
A childhood friend of mine had moved to the States to study, live and, later, marry.
Among the bunch of her friends from university there that attended the wedding in India a few years ago was a girl whose first name, comfort in Indian wedding wear and Indian-American accent established her as Indian straight off—albeit with atypical African-esque features. Then there was her unusual surname, which I had never heard before. As one is wont to do, I tried to crystallize all these bits of information into a first impression, perhaps even searching the surname for a place of origin. (My rudimentary ability to identify castes through surnames is recently acquired, through this project.) Seeing, sensing or simply expecting my curiosity and confusion, she quickly added, “I’m tribal.”
“Oh,” I replied. “Never met a tribal person before, huh?” she smiled kindly. I hadn’t. “I am the result of three generations of reservations,” she continued. “My grandfather studied till the tenth; my father went to [India’s best business school]; and I went abroad.”
But this is precisely the kind of story The Doctor was complaining about.

*Vikas: Progress

†Sanghi Uncle: The trope of the older urban educated upper-caste Hindu BJP voter, who follows the ideology of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, the parent organization of the BJP.

*Joh slum area mein hota hai woh saamne aata hai; joh bade society mein ho raha hai, woh aagey hi nahi aata: What happens in the slums come to the public eye; what happens in high society remains hidden

†SO: Significant Other

*At the time of going to press, in early 2020, thousands of people across the country have been protesting against CAA–NRC and the government in general.

*My close friend Sowmya Rajaram—reputed journalist, writer and advisor on this project—and I have spent hours discussing #MeTooIndia. Despite Utsav’s defence a year after the accusations against him, we retain the impression that he was guilty. As this is not relevant to the point I’m making, a quick summing up—while the due diligence of the accusation should have been more thorough and some details are now discredited, Mahima has clarified and continues to uphold her stand; many had corroborated and continue to uphold theirs; and let’s not forget that he had first admitted and apologized.

*Main Bhi: Me too

9. By the Grace of God

*Tezpan: Anger

†Chote-mote kaam: Small jobs

*Gareebi insaan ko jaldi boodhah kar deta hai: Poverty matures you prematurely

*Para adda: The local community club, an all-boys hangout space. This hallmark of Kolkata life is now on the wane.

*Patakas: Fireworks

†Woh royega, hum hasenge: He’ll cry, I’ll laugh

*Naam: Name

†Gadbad: Problem

*Bhaiyya: Older brother

†Dil diya hai, jaan bhi denge: I have given you my heart; I’ll also give you my life. The name and refrain of a classic patriotic song.

‡Swami dena saath humara: Lord please stay by my side. From the song ‘Jay-Jaykara’.

*Varchasva: Domination

*Mahabharata chal raha tha: Mahabharata was going on

†Maike: A woman’s natal home. It has great cultural significance.

*Majboori: Compulsion

*Achchha padhai hoga toh achchha ghar mein sambandh hoga, achchha rishta hoga: If (she) studies well, (she) will marry well

†I know, I know, I am venturing into dangerous territory here. HarperCollins’ legal team was obviously concerned too, and said all things stated as facts needed to be substantiated with sources, as the absolute truth is an exception to defamation. This I have done.
For it’s large impact on culture and on rape, I have to discuss religion, no two ways about it. It is difficult if not impossible for an individual or a country to metamorphose if the point of reference of the desired change is only discussed in hushed tones. “Injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates,” said Martin Luther King Jr. I gladly risk offence to bring about the change I want to see.

‡Tika: A coloured spot or mark worn by some Hindus on the forehead

*Business badhta gaya, main dharmik hota gaya: As the business kept growing, I kept getting more religious

*Agni pariksha: Trial by fire

*Shraap: Curse

†Swayamvar: Literally, ‘self marriage’; choosing a husband among suitors by a girl of marriageable age

*Mulaqat: Both ‘conversation’ and ‘meeting’. In jail terminology this is meeting time, when wives and lovers, relatives and friends throng to meet their inmates

†Kahe ko mulaqat pe garam karke bhej dete ho, woh phir jaake kissi aur pe gaand marwaenge: Why get them horny at mulaqat, now they’ll go get fucked by someone else.

*Arré: Gee

†Bhookhe bhediyon ki tarah: Like starving wolves

‡Rishi-munis: Sages and thinkers

*The tales and statements in this section are not being stated as facts but are merely retold. When searching for sources out of abundant caution as I’d been recommended, I found these tales to be modified from or nonexistent in the books. For instance, in Hindu mythology, it was someone called Menaka, not Urvashi, who tempted Vishwamitra – and she was not raped, but, in fact, they fell in love. The fact that I couldn’t find sources for several of these beliefs just goes to prove what I had said about the difference between religion in theory and in oral traditions.

†Dekho—, isski humari purani parampara hai: See—, rape is an old tradition of ours.

*So, then, does sex work reduce rape like many people believe but experts don’t? Of wives, perhaps, who would otherwise always have to acquiesce; but one cannot deny its damage to the holistic gender environment and that most sex workers are raped.

*Seetiyaan kahin se toh bajegi hi: The whistles will have to blow somehow.

10. Forwarded as Received

*Charcha: Discussion

*Paanwala: The seller of betel leafs and cigarettes

*Jaanwar: Animal

†Darinda: Predator

‡Haiwan: Beast

§Shaitan: The devil

¶Mathura was the survivor’s real name. No laws protecting the identity of the rape survivor/victim existed in India at the time; and the courtesy was not extended to this tribal girl. I cannot avoid mentioning her name now, as it is the name of this defining case.

*Ladki ko karna hi padega: The girl will have to do it

†Balaatkaar hota hai, woh bhi nahi pata: I don’t even know that rape exists

*Chacha: Father’s younger brother

†Mama: Mother’s brother

*“Kya kar lega? Woh toh humari jhaant ka baal tak ukkhaad nahi paayega: What will he do? He won’t even be able to pick a single pube of ours

†Woh mujhe nahi jaanta, main bahut bada madarchod hoon … Usski lund pakadne ki tameez nahi hai, aur gaand maarne chala aaya: He doesn’t know yet that I’m a serious motherfucker … He can barely hold his dick, and he’s come to fuck ass

*Balaatkaar aur sex ek hi baat hai: Rape and sex are the same thing

*Beti Khatre Mein Hai: Daughter is in danger

*TV ya computer se itna badlaav nahi aaya tha jitna mobile se aaya hai: TV and computer had not brought as much change as mobile phones have

*Phaansi: Capital punishment

*Kissi se bhi le leta tha: I took sex from anyone

11. By Hook & By Crook

*Aap mujhe achchha laga: I like you

†Raat gayi baat gayi: What happens in the night, stays in the night

*Shaadi karenge bolke: By committing to marry later

*Because, I have found that even those who are highly sympathetic and empathetic towards the cause of gender violence are often ambiguous about, at best, or critical of, at worst, this aspect of Indian law.

*Ussko block kar diya: I blocked her

†Issne mere shareer ko touch kiya: He touched my body

*Jhanjhat: Complications

†Hijra: Eunuch

*Money hai toh honey hai: If you have money you have girls

†Poite: The sacred thread of Brahmins

*Marna hi hai toh kaat ke maarenge: If one has to die, might as well kill and die

*Chaalu: Cunning, conniving

*Teri aukaad kaise hui?: How dare you touch a woman above your class?

*Tapti garmi: Sweltering heat

*Halchal: Handling

*There’s no shame in sharing with you that the investigation for this book was self- and crowd-funded. I was on a tight budget!

*Normal sex issko pasand hi nahi hai: He just doesn’t like normal sex

†Biwi ke saath jabardasti: Force his wife

‡Thoda: A little

§Jab ussko flesh ka swaad mil jaata hai: When they have tasted flesh

When Men Rape: An Indian & Individual Investigation

*Dishoom-dishoom: In old Bollywood films, this was the sound effect produced when a punch was landed

* Haan, hippies chale gaye, mujhe chhod gaye: Yup, the hippies have left, and they’ve left me behind

† Roti, kapada, makaan: ‘Food, clothes, shelter’ for all was once the agenda of the Indian welfare state.

* Kanyadaan: The bride being handed over to the groom by her father

*Dil pe patthar rakhke: Keeping a stone on the heart

Notes

1https://www.reuters.com/article/us-women-dangerous-poll-factbox/factbox-which-are-the-worlds-10-most-dangerous-countries-for-women-idUSKBN1JM01Z

2https://m.economictimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/girl-should-have-called-rapists-as-brothers-asaram-bapu/articleshow/17932691.cms

3https://www.thequint.com/explainers/asaram-bapu-rape-cases

4https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Indian-politicians-revolting-comments-about-rape/articleshow/53512298.cms

5Mindhunter, directed by David Fincher, streamed on Netflix, produced by Denver and Delilah Productions, 2017.

6https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/supreme-court-consensual-physical-relationship-of-live-in-partners-not-rape/articleshow/67360702.cms

7https://www.ndtv.com/opinion/mahmood-farooqui-and-his-acquittal-in-rape-case-1803070

8https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/legally-speaking/legal-status-of-child-marriages-in-india/

9https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/sc-delivers-historic-verdict-heres-everything-you-need-to-know-about-section-377/articleshow/65698429.cms

10https://indiankanoon.org/doc/1279834/

11http://prsindia.org/uploads/media/Justice%20verma%20committee/js%20verma%20committe%20report.pdf

12https://www.legallyindia.com/views/entry/right-of-maintenance-to-women-in-live-in-relationships

13http://digitalcommons.law.yale.edu/ylj/vol122/iss6/1

14http://164.100.47.4/BillsTexts/RSBillTexts/asintroduced/POSCO-intro-E-18719.pdf

15https://definitions.uslegal.com/r/romeo-and-juliet-law/

16Smithyman, D. Samuel. The Undetected Rapist, (California: Claremont Graduate School), 1978.

17Dickens, Charles. A Tale of Two Cities, (London: Chapman), 1851.

18Srivastava, Sanjay (Ed.). Sexual Sites, Seminal Attitudes: Sexualities, Masculinities and Culture in South Asia (Studies on Contemporary South Asia), (New Delhi: Sage Publications), 2004.

19http://www.censusindia.gov.in/2011census/c-01.html

20https://web.archive.org/web/20050807232632/http://www.counterpunch.org/cockburn08042005.html

21Agrawal, Ravi. India Connected: How the Smartphone is Transforming the World’s Largest Democracy, (New Delhi: Oxford University Press), 2018.

22https://www.business-standard.com/article/economy-policy/70-indians-live-in-rural-areas-census-111071500171_1.html

23http://povertydata.worldbank.org/poverty/country/CHN

24http://planningcommission.gov.in/news/pre_pov2307.pdf

25https://aeon.co/essays/until-we-treat-rapists-as-ordinary-criminals-we-wont-stop-them

26https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/05/sexual-assault-rape-sympathy-no-prison.html

27http://hdr.undp.org/en/2019-MPI

28http://urbanecology.in/2014/10/10/urbanisation-trend-and-pattern-in-india-census-2011-and-beyond/

29http://ccnmtl.columbia.edu/projects/mmt/ambedkar/web/readings/Simhadri.pdf

30http://www.epw.in/journal/2018/10/special-articles/caste-religion-and-health-outcomes-india-2004-14.html

31https://www.franchiseindia.com/education/How-edupreneurs-are-changing-the-future-of-education-business.8888

32http://img.asercentre.org/docs/ASER%202018/Release%20Material/aserreport2018.pdf

33Boo, Katherine. Behind the Beautiful Forevers, (New York: Random House), 2012.

34http://www3.weforum.org/docs/GCR2017-2018/05FullReport/TheGlobalCompetitivenessReport2017%E2%80%932018.pdf

35https://mhrd.gov.in/rte

36http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00generallinks/macaulay/txt_minute_education_1835.html

37https://www.newsnation.in/article/57255-is-english-cast-system-chetan-bhagat-reveals.html

38http://www.censusindia.gov.in/2011Census/C-16_25062018_NEW.pdf

39Poonam, Snigdha. Dreamers: How Young Indians are Changing the World, (New Delhi: Penguin Random House), 2018.

40http://worldpopulationreview.com/countries/first-world-countries/

41http://worldpopulationreview.com/countries/developed-countries/

42Phillips, A.A. On the Cultural Cringe, (Melbourne: Melbourne University Press), 2005.

43https://www.eurozine.com/what-is-postcolonial-thinking/

44http://mofapp.nic.in:8080/economicsurvey/

45https://www.jstor.org/stable/41602364?seq=1

46http://mofapp.nic.in:8080/economicsurvey/

47Ibid

48http://www.bellbajao.org/happy-birthday-girl/

49http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/pubicity

50https://www.idiva.com/relationships-love/love-storis/15-annoying-things-only-indian-men-do/photogallery/33595

51http://www.thehindu.com/society/history-and-culture/samhita-arni-points-out-how-caste-and-gender-prejudice-are-inextricably-linked/article17433634.ece

52https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manusmriti

53https://hazlitt.net/feature/hunger-makes-me

54https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/02/upshot/how-to-raise-a-feminist-son.html

55Qur’an 4:34

56http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/impact-of-domestic-violence-children-and-young-people.php

57https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2947027/

58https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/suffer-the-children/201203/why-french-kids-dont-have-adhd

59http://endcorporalpunishment.org/wp-content/uploads/research/Research-effects-review-2016-06.pdf

60Chu, Y. Judy and Gilligan, Carol. When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, (New York: New York University Press), 2014.

61https://www.firstpost.com/india/ncrb-data-shows-95-rape-victims-in-india-known-to-offenders-3433136.html

62https://indiankanoon.org/doc/4266/

63Abdulali, Sohaila. What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape, (London: Myriad Editions), 2018.

64https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-15265317

65https://www.huffingtonpost.in/2015/12/19/why-the-juvenile-in-the-n_n_8842954.html

66https://web.archive.org/web/20110725054140/http://www.popcouncil.org/pdfs/popsyn/PopulationSynthesis2.pdf

67https://www.facebook.com/UnboxedWriters/posts/kabir-singh-is-not-an-anomaly-he-is-just-the-ultimate-culmination-of-the-privile/2379486648783006/

68https://arxiv.org/pdf/1710.04117.pdf

69https://www.indianmemoryproject.com/60/

70https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3515716/

71https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3515716/

72http://www.prsindia.org/uploads/media/Justice%20verma%20committee/js%20verma%20committe%20report.pdf

73https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjE4N-vEOMg

74https://www.news18.com/news/india/durga-puja-2019-why-is-soil-from-brothels-used-to-make-the-goddess-idols-2331645.html

75http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/is-porn-making-indian-men-rape

76https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1359178909000445?via%3Dihub

77https://www.jurist.org/commentary/2006/06/rape-porn-and-criminality-political/

78http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

79https://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/indias-smartphone-revolution-double-edged-sword/

80https://www.livemint.com/industry/media/sunny-leone-continues-as-most-googled-celeb-in-india-in-2019-too-1565621462176.html

81https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2018-year-in-review#tech

82https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/9069158/Three-Indian-MPs-caught-watching-pornography-on-smartphone-in-Parliament.html

83https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2016/10/dark-trade-rape-videos-sale-india-161023124250022.html

84Agrawal, Ravi. India Connected: How the Smartphone is Transforming the World’s Largest Democracy, (New Delhi: Oxford University Press), 2018.

85Ibid

86Beauvoir, Simone de. The Second Sex, (New York: Vintage Books), 1989.

87https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/11/27/the-root-of-all-cruelty

88Manne, Kate. Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, (London: Oxford University Press), 2017.

89Mackinnon, A. Catherine. Are Women Human? – And Other International Dialogues, (Cambridge: Harvard University Press), 2006.

90Rumney, N.S. Philip. When Rape Isn’t Rape: Court of Appeal Sentencing Practice in Cases of Marital and Relationship Rape, (London: Oxford University Press), 1999.

91http://www.jstor.org/stable/43697506

92https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-45404927

93http://prsindia.org/uploads/media/Justice%20verma%20committee/js%20verma%20committe%20report.pdf

94https://wcd.nic.in/sites/default/files/POCSO%20Act%2C%202012.pdf

95https://scroll.in/article/823982/interview-though-indias-rape-law-has-been-overhauled-it-still-lacks-a-sentencing-policy

96https://www.huffingtonpost.in/2015/12/19/why-the-juvenile-in-the-n_n_8842954.html

97https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-38796457

98https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2019/feb/11/spare-innocent-men-anguish-india-ruling-aims-to-end-false-claims

99https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/davidmack/rape-fraud-consent-purdue-abigail-finney-joyce-short-grant

100https://scroll.in/article/823982/interview-though-indias-rape-law-has-been-overhauled-it-still-lacks-a-sentencing-policy

101https://www.livemint.com/Politics/AV3sIKoEBAGZozALMX8THK/99-cases-of-sexual-assaults-go-unreported-govt-data-shows.html

102http://www.jstor.org/stable/27640853

103http://prsindia.org/uploads/media/Justice%20verma%20committee/js%20verma%20committe%20report.pdf

104https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-50697139

105https://www.worldbank.org/en/topic/poverty/brief/what-is-the-global-database-on-intergenerational-mobility-gdim

106https://www.credit-suisse.com/media/assets/.../docs/.../global-wealth-report-2018-en.pdf

107https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/the-interviews-blog/57-billionaires-control-70-of-indias-wealth-india-is-second-most-unequal-economy-after-russia/

108http://hdr.undp.org/en/content/asia-pacific-human-development-report-2016

109https://www.ilo.org/global/about-the-ilo/newsroom/news/WCMS_165465/lang--en/index.htm

110Berlant, Lauren. Cruel Optimism, (United States: Duke University), 1921.

111https://thewire.in/communalism/mob-cow-lynching-vigilante

112https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-02-20/cow-vigilantes-in-india-killed-at-least-44-people-report-finds

113https://qz.com/949064/the-swedish-concept-of-trygghet-explains-why-having-an-erratic-leader-is-so-destabilizing/

114Antonovsky, Aaron. Health, Stress and Coping (The Jossey-Bass Social and Behavioral Science Series), (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Inc Pub), 1979.

115https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/04/03/the-trauma-of-facing-deportation

116http://subversions.tiss.edu/vol1-issue1/shweta-2/

117https://www.indiatoday.in/magazine/living/story/19970630-controversial-custom-of-teenage-mating-among-muria-tribals-gains-ground-in-madhya-pradesh-832653-1997-06-30

118https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/nirbhaya-rapists-to-hang-as-supreme-court-upholds-death-sentence/articleshow/58531250.cms

119https://www.livemint.com/opinion/online-views/opinion-the-frequency-illusion-that-tags-india-as-rape-central-1568313932836.html

120https://www.census2011.co.in/sexratio.php

121Jeffery, Patricia. ‘A Sociological Critique of the Marriage Squeeze’ in Too Many Men, Too Few Women: Social Consequences of Gender Imbalance in India and China, edited by Ravinder Kaul, (Hyderabad: Orient BlackSwan), 2016.

122https://scroll.in/latest/893163/mumbai-bjp-mla-ram-kadam-promises-to-kidnap-girls-who-reject-marriage-proposal

123Kaul, Ravinder. Too Many Men, Too Few Women: Social Consequences of Gender Imbalance in India and China, (Hyderabad: Orient BlackSwan), 2016.

124https://humanevents.com/2014/02/18/why-wwii-movies-are-the-best/

125http://www.lamp.prsindia.org/sites/default/files/budget_files/State%20Budget%20Analysis%20-%20Haryana%202019-20.pdf

126https://www.census2011.co.in/sexratio.php

127http://www.newindianexpress.com/nation/2019/jan/07/not-a-minor-problem-bride-trafficking-remains-a-booming-business-in-haryana-1921519.html

128Ahlawat, Neerja. ‘Violence against Cross-region Brides in Haryana’ in Too Many Men, Too Few Women: Social Consequences of Gender Imbalance in India and China, edited by Ravinder Kaul, (Hyderabad: Orient BlackSwan), 2016.

129Bose, Sunita, Trent, Katherine and South, J. Scott. ‘The Effect of a Male Surplus on Intimate Partner Violence in India’ in Too Many Men, Too Few Women: Social Consequences of Gender Imbalance in India and China, edited by Ravinder Kaul, (Hyderabad: Orient BlackSwan), 2016.

130https://quillette.com/2019/03/12/attraction-inequality-and-the-dating-economy/

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132https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel

133https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahabharata

134https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/gender/boxed-in-the-fragility-of-men-20190731-p52cpd.html

135https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11731348

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137https://www.verywellmind.com/the-cycle-of-sexual-abuse-22460

138https://www.hbs.edu/news/articles/Pages/mcginn-working-mom.aspx

139https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7795023

140https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/Questions_andamp_Answers_Is_addiction_hereditary

141https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/11/27/the-root-of-all-cruelty

142 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9987584

143Brownmiller, Susan. Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape. (New York: Ballantine Books), 1993.

144http://www.jstor.org/stable/27640853

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148http://www.jstor.org/stable/29762609

149Groth, A. Nicholas and Birnbaum, H. Jean. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender, (Berlin: Springer Publishing), 1979.

150https://www.jstor.org/stable/1372967

151Brownmiller, Susan. Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape, (New York: Ballantine Books), 1993.

152https://www.theage.com.au/world/asia/un-confirms-tsunami-child-trafficking-case-20050108-gdzbu2.html#targetText=Reports%20of%20children%20being%20taken,is%20the%20first%20confirmed%20case.

153https://www.reuters.com/article/us-un-women/u-n-council-urges-action-on-sexual-violence-in-war-idUSN1946295420080619

154https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2019/10/21/chinas-attacks-uighur-women-are-crimes-against-humanity/

155https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/indian-army-rape-us/296634

156https://thewire.in/culture/rape-security-forces-afspa

157Batool, Essar, Butt, Ifrah, Mushtaq, Samreena, Rashid, Munaza and Rather, Natasha. Do you Remember Kunan-Poshpora? (New Delhi: Zubaan Books), 2016

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159https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/lynching-the-scourge-of-new-india/article29693818.ece

160http://www.achrweb.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/TortureUpdateIndia.pdf

161https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-50682262

162https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/kathua-rape-case-2-bjp-ministers-attend-rally-in-support-of-accused-1181788-2018-03-04

163https://indianexpress.com/article/india/kathua-chargesheet-in-jk-child-gangrape-rituals-a-chilling-invite-and-a-police-cover-up-5132283/

164https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735898000166

165Groth, A. Nicholas and Birnbaum, H. Jean. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender, (Berlin: Springer Publishing), 1979.

166https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/jan/26/larry-nassar-abuse-gymnasts-scandal-culture

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168https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/hebephilia

169https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-008-9399-9

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175https://wcd.nic.in/child-marriage-restraint-act-1929-19-1929

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178https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707779/

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181https://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/101east/2020/01/india-child-sex-highway-200115224642104.html

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183https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2019/jun/21/senior-islamic-cleric-issues-fatwa-against-child-marriage

184https://thewire.in/gender/delhi-gang-rape-death-penalty

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186https://www.indiatimes.com/news/india/people-searching-for-asifa-rape-videos-on-porn-sites-exposes-the-sadist-mentality-of-society-343590.html

187https://heraldpublicist.com/shocking-hyderabad-rape-victims-name-trends-on-adult-website-in-india-pakistan/

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202http://theconversation.com/gender-culture-and-class-collude-in-violence-against-women-22957

203https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/mar/31/shiney-ahuja-bollywood-jailed-raping

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236http://commoncause.in/pdf/SPIR2018.pdf

237https://www.huffingtonpost.in/2016/11/01/over-55-of-undertrials-in-indian-prisons-are-muslims-dalits-an_a_21595971/

238https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/3-3-crore-backlog-cases-in-courts-pendency-figure-at-highest-cji-dipak-misra-1271752-2018-06-28

239https://www.livemint.com/news/india/why-pending-court-cases-have-been-going-up-1549859010699.html

240Menon, Nivedita. ‘Embodying the Self: Feminism Sexual Violence and the Law’ in Subaltern Studies No. 11 Community, Gender and Violence. Edited by Partha Chatterjee and Pradeep Jeganathan, (New York: Columbia University Press), 2000.

241http://www.jstor.org/stable/4417359

242https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/28/opinion/sunday/women-want-to-be-rich.html

243https://theconversation.com/poor-kids-hit-puberty-sooner-and-risk-a-lifetime-of-health-problems-78178

244https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhakuria

245Phadke, Shilpa, Khan, Sameera and Ranade, Shilpa. Why Loiter?: Women and Risk on Mumbai Streets, (New Delhi: Penguin Books), 2011.

246Nasrin, Taslima. Selected Columns, translated by Debjani Sengupta, (New Delhi: Srishti Publishers), 2004.

247https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

248https://www.dailyo.in/politics/indian-mythology-rape-women-patriarchy/story/1/17120.html

249https://www.speakingtree.in/allslides/the-real-story-of-surpanakha/237258

250http://www.speakingtree.in/allslides/why-king-dashrath-abandoned-his-daughter-and-lord-ramas-sister-shanta

251https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1368430216629566

252https://www.thespiritualscientist.com/2014/05/how-can-draupadis-polygamy-be-justified-especially-when-the-pandavas-have-to-sometimes-see-her-as-a-wife-and-at-other-times-as-sister-in-law/

253https://www.indiatoday.in/crime/story/up-man-bets-wife-lets-friends-gangrape-twice-1576472-2019-08-02

254https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7690225/Indian-man-gambled-wife-away-losing-bet.html

255https://www.thehindu.com/society/history-and-culture/analysing-the-episode-of-apsara-menaka-and-sage-vishwamitra/article19125560.ece

256https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/rape-case-against-nithyananda-trial-finally-begins-after-8-years-legal-hurdles-86233

257https://www.business-standard.com/article/current-affairs/gurmeet-ram-rahim-singh-verdict-today-details-of-the-14-yr-old-rape-case-117082400529_1.html

258https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/how-rape-convict-asaram-bapu-trapped-his-victims-1220161-2018-04-25

259https://www.researchgate.net/publication/279526649_Religion_and_gender_inequality_The_status_of_women_in_the_societies_of_world_religions

260https://helanadarwindotcom.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/the-religious-gender-binary-pre-print.pdf

261Laumann, O. Edward, Gagnon, H. John, Michael, T. Robert and Michaels Stuart. The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States, (Chicago: Chicago University Press), 1994.

262https://www.huffpost.com/entry/aisha-scholar-and-wife-of_b_11306606

263https://qz.com/783681/child-marriage-is-allowed-in-more-than-100-countries-including-the-united-states/

264https://data.unicef.org/topic/child-protection/child-marriage/

265Lakoff T. Robin, Bucholtz Mary. Language and Woman’s Place: Text and Commentaries, (London: Oxford University Press), 2004.

266http://www.languageinindia.com/jan2003/womeninindianlanguages.html

267http://www.censusindia.gov.in/2011Census/C-16_25062018_NEW.pdf

268http://www.censusindia.gov.in/2011Census/C-16_25062018_NEW.pdf

269http://www.censusindia.gov.in/2011census/C-17.html

270Sen, Avirook. Arushi, (New Delhi: Penguin India), 2015.

271https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2016/jul/06/why-is-the-crisis-in-rural-india-passing-under-the-radar

272https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2016/jul/06/why-is-the-crisis-in-rural-india-passing-under-the-radar

273https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/man-kills-wife-surrenders-to-cops-with-her-severed-head/articleshow/69528995.cms

274https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/third-beheading-ktaka-month-man-walks-police-station-severed-head-89172

275https://www.indiatoday.in/crime/story/man-beheads-wife-suspecting-infidelity-carries-head-to-police-station-1591995-2019-08-27

276https://www.telegraphindia.com/india/gang-rape-survivor-tonsured-paraded-in-bihar-village-for-complaining-to-panchayat/cid/1700907

277https://www.newindianexpress.com/states/kerala/2019/jul/10/malayalam-actress-molestation-two-years-past-dileeps-arrest-case-still-in-no-mans-territory-2001850.html

278https://indiankanoon.org/doc/1696350/

279https://www.firstpost.com/entertainment/malayalam-actress-abduction-case-why-the-response-to-the-incident-has-been-unsettling-3294020.html

280Gilmore, Jane. Fixed It, (New York: Vintage), 2019.

281http://www.penacclaims.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Suchi-Jain.pdf

282https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/No-two-finger-test-for-rape-SC/article12141055.ece

283https://www.ndtv.com/mumbai-news/mumbai-gang-rape-case-accused-raped-rag-picker-prostitute-too-532933

284http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/the-eye-of-the-camera

285https://www.mkgandhi.org/momgandhi/chap62.htm

286https://www.thehindu.com/data/95-of-rape-offenders-known-to-victims/article14598322.ece

287https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Haryana-khap-blames-consumption-of-chowmein-for-rapes/articleshow/16829882.cms

288https://www.indiatoday.in/india/north/story/haryana-khaps-ban-jeans-and-mobile-phones-for-girls-to-curb-rape-honour-killings-212042-2013-09-24

289India’s Daughter, directed by Leslee Udwin, BBC, 2015, film.

290https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgom8LRF8hQ

291https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9987584

292Groth, A. Nicholas and Birnbaum, H. Jean. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender. (Berlin: Springer Publishing), 1979.

293https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/dont-use-phrase-nation-wants-know-arnab-goswami-gets-legal-notice-60507

294https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/12/india-police-face-probe-killing-hyderabad-rape-accused-191207094205185.html

295https://m.dailyhunt.in/news/india/english/the+logical+indian-epaper-tlogin/after+4+years+of+public+shaming+struggle+saravjeet+singh+finally+proven+not+guilty+on+jasleen+kaur+case-newsid-143931192

296https://theprint.in/politics/gopal-kanda-debtor-accused-2-suicides-tries-haryana-polls/306436/

297https://www.newindianexpress.com/states/kerala/2019/jul/10/malayalam-actress-molestation-two-years-past-dileeps-arrest-case-still-in-no-mans-territory-2001850.html

298https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/hearing-sexual-assault-case-against-tarun-tejpal-adjourned-october-21-1606984-2019-10-07

299https://www.firstpost.com/india/a-24-21-per-cent-conviction-rate-for-rape-in-india-lower-every-year-1096959.html

300Phadke, Shilpa, Khan, Sameera and Ranade, Shilpa. Why Loiter?: Women and Risk on Mumbai Streets, (New Delhi: Penguin Books), 2011.

301https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11991158

302https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/mar/31/shiney-ahuja-bollywood-jailed-raping

303https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/08/an-epidemic-of-disbelief/592807/

304http://digitalcommons.law.yale.edu/ylj/vol122/iss6/1

305http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/deathforchildrapists-a-former-believers-apologia

306Mander, Harsh. Looking Away, (New Delhi: Speaking Tiger), 2015.

307Agrawal, Ravi. India Connected: How the Smartphone is Transforming the World’s Largest Democracy, (New Delhi: Oxford University Press), 2018.

308Stone, H. Michael. The Anatomy of Evil, (New York: Prometheus Books), 2009.

309https://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/migrant-anxiety-lifestyle-change-among-reasons-for-gangrape-in-delhi-panel-5229604/

310https://www.newindianexpress.com/cities/bengaluru/2018/oct/20/no-metoo-for-bengalurus-garment-workers-1887396.html

311Groth, A. Nicholas and Birnbaum, H. Jean. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender, (Berlin: Springer Publishing), 1979.

312https://nypost.com/2019/06/18/high-temperatures-can-lead-to-more-violent-crime-study-finds/

313https://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/migrant-anxiety-lifestyle-change-among-reasons-for-gangrape-in-delhi-panel-5229604/

314India’s Daughter, directed by Leslee Udwin, BBC, 2015, film.

315https://www.saveindianfamily.org/faqs/

316https://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/my-sexual-violence-score

317https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/study-shows-girls-happiness-drops-during-preteens-050614

318Strictly Ballroom, directed by Baz Luhrmann, performed by Paul Mercurio and Tara Morice, M&A Productions, 1992, film.

319Piercy, Marge. ‘Rape Poem’ in Circles on the Water, (New York: Alfred A. Knopf), 1982.

320https://www.whyindianmenrape.com/united/taking-up-a-job-researching-rape-culture-ten-observations

321https://www.outlookindia.com/magazine/story/why-female-participation-in-workforce-is-on-the-decline-in-india/301207

322http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/eve-empowered

323http://www.tarakaushal.com

324http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/sleazy-slobbery-boss-men

325https://www.pressreader.com/india/mid-day/20160729/281565175129680

326https://www.mid-day.com/articles/mumbai-woman-continues-to-get-lewd-facebook-message-on-year-on-tara-kaushal/18431151

327http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/interview-survivor-adrienne-thadani

328http://www.tarakaushal.com/writer/interview-survivor-suhashini-thomas

329https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/089124388002003004

Index

Aavishkar (1974)

Abdulali, Sohaila

abortion

sex-selective

absent fathers, physically and emotionally

abuse. See also child sexual abuse (CSA); sexual abuse

accomplishments

acid attack

addiction

adultery

adulthood

advertising

affirmative consent

Afghanistan: culture of sex with prepubescent boys

age-appropriateness

‘age proximity’

agency of women

aggression and sex

aggressiveness

Agnihotri, Rati

Agrawal, Ravi

Ahuja, Shiney

Akbar, MJ

Akshay Kumar

alcohol, alcoholism

and crime, relation

cultural beliefs

effects on behavior

Alexander, Bruce

All India Bakchod (AIB)

Alok Nath

American Federal Bureau of Investigation

American justice system

American Psychiatric Association

`

Anger Rapist

‘animal instincts’

Annual Status of Education Report (ASER) 2018

antisocial behavior

antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)

Antonovsky, Aaron

Anubhav (1985)

Armed Forces Special Powers Act (AFSPA)

arousal

arranged marriage. See also forced-arranged marriage

Asaram Bapu

Ashok Kumar

aspirations

political

and reality

Assamese

attitudes towards sex, women and gender

autonomy of genders other than male

Aviv, Rachel

Awaara (1951)

Azmi, Shabana

Bachara tribals

Bachchan, Amitabh

Bahl, Vikas

Bangladesh Liberation War

Bannerjee, Mamata

Barker, Gary

Basanti Devi

basic needs

beating by father/parents

behavioural problems

Berlant, Lauren

#BetiKhatreMeinHai

Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP)

Bhat, Tanmay

Bhattacharya, Basu

Bhattacharya, Pramit

Biddulph, Steve

biological determination

blackmail because of photos and videos

Bloom, Paul

blue films

Bollywood. See also films

‘born bad’

boys, as sexual beings

Brahmanism

Brahmins supremacy

brain composition

breakup

bride’s puberty

Brotherhood

brown sugar vapour inhaling

Brownmiller, Susan

bullying

burqa. See also ghoonghat

capital punishment (phaansi)

capitalism

caste, caste system, casteism

appropriateness

conflicts/divides

hierarchy

pride

privilege

and religious diversity

and religious hierarchies

Chakraborty, Utsav

‘chasing the dragon’

chastity of the woman, and honour

Chatterjee, Basu

Chautala, Om Prakash

Chetan Bhagat

Chhabra, Mukesh

child

abuse

marriage

rape forums

rape pornography

rights and autonomy

voyeurism

child sexual abuse (CSA)

childbearing

childhood

aspirations

environment

experiences,
innocence, loss of

trauma

violence/ beating by fathers/parents

child-rearing approaches

children, as sexual beings,

children, victims of sexual abuse and abusive relationships as adults

China: attack on Uighur women

Chopra, BR

Christianity. See also Islam; religion

Chu, Judy

Citizenship Amendment Act

class lines

class mobility

class position and rape

class privilege and violence/sexual violence

Cleckley, Hervey M

Clinton, Bill
Cocktail (2012)

codes of conduct

coercion

coercive sexual fantasies

collective frustration

collectivism and community in Indian society

colonial stereotypes

colonization

Commercial Sexual Exploitation

Committee on Sexual Harassment at Workplace (Justice Verma Committee) Report

common-sense negatives

comparison, conflict and coexistence

competitiveness

complex behaviours

Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE)

compulsive crotch-scratching

compulsive drug taking

condoms

confessions

false confession

confusion and guilt

Connell, RW

conscious anger and rage

conscious process of intimidation

consensual sex

consent

consent laws

Constitution of India

consumerism

contagion, concept of, through the news media

contraception

lack of knowledge

convicted sex offenders

conviction of rape cases in India

Coolie (1983)

copycat crimes

corporal punishment in schools

counselling

courts in India, pending cases

cow vigilantism

Crime & Detective

crime of opportunity

crime survivors. See survivors and victims

crime–motive, means and opportunity

crimes

criminal

behavior

justice system

profiling

psychology

Criminal Tribes Act of 1871

criminality, corruption and nepotism

criminalizing sex with teenage girls

culpable homicide

cultural

ascendancy and identity

comfort with inequality

consciousness

cringe

identity

landscape

liberalism

memory

mores of gender inequality

norms, traditions

positioning and politics

psyche

relativism

resistance

roots

socialization

syndrome

transformation

cultures, clash

custodial deaths

D’Amato, Anthony

D’Cruz, Ileana

Dalits

village woman

Darr (1993)

Das, Abhijit

Dastangoi

dating and mating

daydreaming

De Beauvoir, Simone

Debonair

deceit and fraud, deceitfulness

deception

Deewaar (1975)

dehumanization-objectification’ of women

Delhi Gang Rape, December 2012 (Nirbhaya case)

delinquency

democratic political system

demographic segmentation

demonetization and GST

depression

desensitization towards women

Devdas

Devgn, Ajay

Dileep

Dilwale (2015)

disclosure of rape to the family and friends

non-disclosure

disempowerment

disparity

in children’s treatment of parents

in wealth distribution

divisive politics

divorce

domestic help molesters

domestic violence

Domestic Violence Act

dominance/power theory

Dostana (2008)

dowry laws

drinking. See alcohol

drug facilitated sexual assault

drug trade

drunken driving

Durga Puja idol

Dutta, Tanushree

‘dyadic power’ of women

ecological distress

economic

dependence

independence

pressure on men

realities

restructuring

educated white-collar workers

education (or lack thereof)

education system, undemocratic

egalitarianism

egocentricity and disregard for others

elopement

emotional and psychological trauma

emotionally distant fathers

employment opportunities, lack of

English Education Act

English

linguistic evolution towards egalitarianism media/news media

status as the predominant global language—of communication, commerce, the internet

entertainment media

entitlement to power and sex, sense of

environment, role in addiction

envy

ephebophilia

Epstein, Jeffery

ethnocentrism

ethnographic gender culture

ethnographic realism

ethnological reasons

eve teasing

Evening in Paris, An (1967)

evolutionary psychology

excitement

extra-judicial killings

extramarital sex/relations

false justifications attributed to religion

false promise to marry

false rape cases

false rape complaints

family

of the Accused Inmates/rapists

background

honour

member as victim/survivor

norms

occupation

policing role

of victim/survivor

Farber, Yael,
Farooqui, Mahmood

‘father hunger’

father, father’s

beating

emotionally distant

indifference, lack of love

sexual and physical violence

fear psychosis and rape myths

fear, lack of

“fearful of sex and the penis”

fearlessness

Felson, Richard

female

bodies, dominion through sex

foeticide

genitalia

infanticide

sexuality

femininity

feminism

and consent

feminist model

fighting back

films, impact on the cultural environment and human psyche. See also Bollywood

regional film industry

financial independence

First World or developed countries

fixity

flirting

forbidden contact

forensic psychology

Fox, Kate

free-sex culture of Australia

Freud, Sigmund

“frigid”

Gadchiroli rape case

gambling

Gandhi, M.K.

Gangster (2006)

Ganguly, Ekanshi

Gauguin, Paul

Gaur, Babulal

gender

binaries

construction

culture

discrimination against daughters

division of labor

dominance

dynamics

equality

expectations and cultures, clash

hierarchies and ideologies

inequality

injustice in Hindu mythology

norms

related crimes

roles

segregation within households

segregated schools

and sexual orientation

violence on women

gendered marital relationships

general elections

genetic and biological factors

genocidal rape

‘genteel poor’

Geri, cruising culture of Chandigarh

ghoonghat

Gilmore, Jane

globalization

Gogoi, Pallavi

Gogoi, Ranjan

government and private school outcomes, gap

Grand Masti

Griha Pravesh

groping

Groth, Nicholas, Groth Typology

guilt

Gujarat Riots of

Gumrah (1963)

gundagiri

Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Insan

Gyandev

hafta

Hagerty, Barbara Bradley

Hartney, Elizabeth

healing

hebephilia

hegemonic masculinity

Hindi

news media

Hindu

belief system

mythology

Hinduism

Hindutva brigade

historicity and occupation of the family

honour killings

honour, patriarchal morals

household decision-making power

Hum (1991)

human rights

of the victim

of women

of women and genders other than male (ergo, feminism)

human sexuality

human trafficking

husbandly supremacy and entitlement

hypergamy

hypochondriacal illnesses

hypocrisy and shame

identity politics

Ijaazat (1987)

imprudence

impulsivity

incels

incest

India’s Daughter

Indian Penal Code (IPC)

Indian People Facebook

individual rights

indoctrination

indolence

inequality of access

infantophilia

infliction of pain, eroticized

inheritance laws

insincerity

intention

inter-caste

love marriage/runaway marriage

relationships

intergenerational trauma and violence

International Labour Organization (ILO)

internet

interpersonal relationships

socioreligious understanding

interpersonal violence

‘intersexuality’

Intimidation

intoxication of the survivor and/or perpetrator

irresponsibility,
irritability

Islam

Islamic rules for childrearing

Jasleen Kaur

jealousy, possessiveness and dominance in relationships

Jeffery, Patricia

Judge, Iqbal

#JusticeforJisha

justice system

Justice Verma Committee. See Committee on Sexual Harassment at Workplace

justice, retribution, closure

#JusticeforAsifa

#JusticeforTwinkle

juvenile justice system

juvenile offenders

Kabir Singh

kachchee sharaab

Kamasutra

Kamat, Vidya

Kamathipura, Mumbai

Kanda, Gopal

kanyadaan

Kapoor, Raj

Kapoor, Shahid

Kapoor, Shakti

Kapoor, Shammi

karma

Kathua Gang Rape Case

Katkar, Kimi

Kelman, Herbert C.

Khajuraho

Khajuria, Deepak

Khamba, Gursimran

Khanna, Rajesh

Khap Panchayat

kidnapping

Kishwar, Madhu Purnima

Knolls, Jessica

Kodungalloor Bharani festival

Koechlin, Kalki

Kshatriya masculinity

Kshatriya Rajput Bundela caste

Kua Poojan

Kukreja, Mahima,
Kunan Poshspora Mass Rape Case, 1991

Kundu, Tadit

Laawaris (1981)

language

language

carries and causes the cultural biases

gender discrimination

gentry

regional languages

role in undermining women

law enforcement agencies

lawful behaviours

lawlessness

Leone, Sunny

LGBTQIA rights

liberalism

linguistic behavior

live-in relationship

local dynamics

Lombroso, Cesare

loneliness and isolation

Loofbourow, Lili

loss of ‘honour’

love and care for children

love at first sight

love marriage

‘love on the phone’ relationship

lying

lynchings

Macaulay, Thomas Babington

machismo

Mackinnon, Catherine A

Madan-Behl, Anvita

mafia-controlled black market

Mahabharata

#MainBhi,
maintenance case

Make in India,
Malamuth, Neil

Malayalam

male

bias

child preference

dominance/hegemony

feeling

and female behavior, prototypes

and female characters, disparities in Bollywood

gaze’

identity

privilege

relatives

role models

sexuality

subjects abused in childhood by a female relative or domestic help

superiority, supremacy

propagated by religion

maleness of the military

Mander, Harsh

manhood

manliness

manmade and natural disasters create refugees, vulnerable, displaced and destitute

Manne, Kate

manual work

marital and consensual sex

marital rape

absence of laws against

fewer barriers

legitimization

underreporting

marital relationships

gendered

Marolla, Joseph

marriage

arranged

forced-arranged

institution

norms

is perceived as a settling corrective agent

masculine

hegemony

norms

traits

violence

masculinities, masculinity

and delinquent behavior

and gender

and sexual violence

violence through the lens of class

masquerading as sex education

mass killings

mass shooting

masturbation

material conditions

Mathura Gang Rape Case, 1972

medical consequences of rape

Men Against Violence and Abuse

men urinating in public

men’s rights activists/activism (MRAs)

Menon, Jaya

Menon, Sandhya,
mental health

crisis in India

mental illness

mental well-being

Messerschmidt, James W

#MeToo

#MeTooIndia

middle class

migrant anxiety

migration

Mindhunter

minority appeasement

misanthropy

misogynists

and microaggressions

misread social cues

‘missing girls’

mob lynching

modernity

modernization

Modi, Narendra

molestation

money

moneylenders in villages in Telangana

moral rights of nonconformists

Moudgil, Reema

Muhammad, Prophet

murder

and manslaughter

Muria tribals in MP, free-sex practices

Muslim

undertrials

women

Nair, Ajay

Nanda, Vinta

“narcissism”

Nargis,
Nassar, Larry

National Crime Records Bureau

National Register of Citizens

nature, See also nurture

negative emotions

Newman, Sandra

NG Works

Nita Gopal

Nityananda, Swami

Non-Muslim Forward Caste

#NotAllMen

nurture-only position

obesity

obscene calling

obscene messages

obsequiousness

Trans Yamuna

‘one-man crime waves’

opportunism

oral rape

oral traditions

ostracism

Other. See also Self

Others’ coping mechanism

Other Backward Caste. See Dalits

Padukone, Dipika

paedophiles, paedophilia

Pandey, Juhi

Pandey, Jyoti Singh. See also Delhi Gang Rape Case, December

paraphilias

parenting situation

parents, parents’

beating children

divide-and-rule policy

economic status

education

impose restrictions

interrelationship

official hierarchies

rat-race minded

relationship with children

wokeness and vigilance

working

Partition of Indian subcontinent

Parveen Babi

Patekar, Nana

Pathak, Ankur

patriarchy, patriarchal belief system

and human rights

peeping tomming

penis privilege

periods

‘permanent damages’

personal gratification

personal safety

Phantom Films

philosophical-feminist concept of ‘the Other’ versus ‘the Self

Phool aur Kaante (1991)

Phoolan Devi

physical

affection

retaliation

separation of genders

and sexual-abuse trauma

and social environment

violence at the hands of fathers

Piercy, Marge

pluralities of global culture

police

complaints

inaction and indifference

political correctness

politicians and criminals, nexus

politics and child marriage

polygamy, misogynistic practices

poor moral internalization

poor uprooted rural man

Pornhub

pornography. See also smartphone

internet porn

negative impacts

positives of

and sex education

and sexual violence, relationship

sharing

positive attributes

possessiveness and dominance in relationships

woman, as a possession

poverty, poor

and child marriage

disempowerment

and masculine identity

and rapes

rural victims

and sex work

targets of violence

universal cycle

power

anger versus sex theories

dynamics between genders

hierarchies

politics and paisa

rapist

structures

tussles

power-assertion

of class

of a man on a woman

over communities

powerlessness and crisis of masculinity

preadolescent sex games

preferential treatment received by sister

prejudices

in the judiciary

and privileges

premarital sex

premature promiscuity

prepubescent children

marriage and sex with girls

sexual abuse of

private schooling in English

privileges, privileged

of class

of gender

intergenerational

of penis

women

promiscuity

Promundo

prostitution

Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012

protectionism

protectiveness of a male friend or relative

psychedelic mushrooms

psychiatric disorders

psychological scarring

psychological state of the rapist

psychology and psychoanalysis

psychopathy perspective

puberty

Public Display of Penis

public harassment

public in private’

public opinion

public rape

public roles of city women versus and rural women

public safety

public spaces

public trust

punishment

capital punishment (phaansi)

Punjabi

purdah tradition

purush, masculine and prakriti, feminine

racism

Radhakrishnan, Abhimanyu

rage resulting from migration and money issues

Raghavan, Vijay

Raja Babu (1994)

Rajaram, Sowmya

Raksha Bandhan and Bhai Dooj

Ram Kadam

Ramani, Priya

Ramayana

Ranaut, Kangana

Ranjana Kumari

rape

conviction in India

definition

education

laws

myths

negative impact on the victims

is a reproductive adaptation

a tool of politics, war and civil conflict

of young boys by male adults

rapist husbands

rapists outside the criminal justice system

rapists’ psychology

‘Rat Park’

Ravish Kumar

realities and aspirations, gaps

regional film industries. See films

relationship parameters provided by Bollywood

religion

propagate male superiority

religiosity and sexuality

religious

differences

discrimination

enmity

fundamentalism

hierarchies

messaging

purity, notions of

remand homes and orphanages

remorse, lack of

repeated failures

reporting on rapes. See also under-reporting

Republic TV

resentment

reservations on caste lines

Right to Education Act

‘righteous victim’

risk-taking

role modelling,
Rubenfeld, Jed

rural aspirations

rural women

disempowerment

public role

Sadani, Harish

safe spaces

safety of self or others, disregard for

Sajnani, Veena

Sanskritization

Sarkar, Raya

Savarkar, VD

savarna

Save Indian family Foundation,
Sawant, Gaurav

scepticism

schadenfreude

Scully, Diana

second wife, second marriage

Self

self-awareness

self-blame

self-censor

self-confidence

self-control

self-destruction

self-determination

self employment

self-esteem

self-fulfilling

self-hatred

self-help ideology

self-importance

self-interest, selfishness

self-perpetuating

self-loathing, self-pity

self-preservation

self-respect

self-selection

self-verbalizations

self-worth

‘semen anxiety’ of the Indian male

Sengar, Kuldip Singh

Sengupta, Rituparna

sensationalism

sense of coherence’

sense of worth and stability

sex

and aggression

on demand

education, lack of

induced through fraud, deception or impersonation

outside marriage

positivity

and violence, equation with power

work and sexual violence

workers

sex-ratio

sex-selective abortions

sexual

abuse. See also child sexual abuse (CSA)

autonomy

behaviour

contact with a minor

crimes, offences

fantasies

favours

gratification

inequality

liberation

motivation

perversion and deviation

politics

relationship

rights

scorekeeping

service

symbolism

terrorism

transgressions

urge

violence

sexual abuse

of male children by domestic helps

of prepubescent children

sexual harassment

allegations

graded and hierarchized

at workplace

Shah, Anushka

Shakti Mills Gang Rape Case

shame

Shrinivasan, Rukmini

Shudras

siblings’ rivalry

Singh, Mukesh

Singh, Saravjeet

Sita’s Ramayana

smartphone revolution

smoking

smooching and sex games

Snigdha Poonam

social baggage

social bonds and delinquent behavior

social class in India

social conscience

social consequences/repercussions

social desirability bias

social disorder

social division: income, caste, gender, religion or place of belonging

social introspection and systemic change, need for

social justice

social media

social milieu

social norms/order

social protections

social and psychological barriers to report

social sanctions

social structure

socialism

societal influences

socioreligious

conformity

tenets

understanding of gender roles

Sonagachi

sophistication, veneer of

speaking up

spiritual evolution

stalking, stalker

startups

Steig, Jordyn

stereotypes

Stevens, Mark

stoicism

Stone, Michael H.

stranger gang rapist

stranger rape/rapist

Subramanian, Narendra

substance abuse and violent behavior

suicide, suicidal thoughts

surplus male population

surveillance over wives, women

survival-of-the-fittest

survivors and victims/thrivers

of childhood sexual abuse

negative impact

sensitive coverage

shaming

fear

vulnerabilities

Swami (1977)

Talking Myths Project

Talwar, Aarushi-Hemraj Banjade murder cases

Tarun Tejpal

Tedeschi, James

teenage pregnancy

Tehelka

Telangana Gang Rape Case

television news

Television Rating Points (TRPs)

tensions

Tere Naam (2003)

Thadani, Adrienne

Thakur, Pradyman

Thomas, Suhashini

thrupal relationship

Time’s Up (variation)

Times Now

Toilet

Tolentino, Jia

Tolmach, Robin

Tomar, Paan Singh

trafficking of cross-region brides

transactional relationship

transition, trauma of

transparency and accountability in the judiciary

trauma

emotional and psychological

intergenerational

of rape/sexual abuse

and tribulation of the trial

of victims of child abuse

trespassing

Trump, Donald

trust and self-esteem issues

trygghet

tsunami

Tucker, William

two-finger test

underage sex with consent

underage women

underprivileged

children

underreporting and lack of conviction

underskirt peeking

underskirt voyeurism

undertrials

undetected rapists

unemployment

United Nations Development Programme

United Nations Security Council

United States: Romeo and Juliet Law

universal attitudes towards women

Unnao Rape Case

unnatural (aka anal) sex

untouchability

unwanted daughters

upbringing

upper caste

Hindu men/Hindus

victimhood and blindness to privilege

women

upper class

Indians

men

upward mobility

urban growth, population and migration

Vedas

vegetarianism

Verma, Ravi

victim blaming and survivor shaming

Victorian morality

Vidya Krishnan

Vikal, Ankur

violence against women

justified for good

in public spheres

as a solution to to intergenerational conflict

virginity

voting

voyeurism

child voyeurism

underskirt voyeurism

Wadhwa, William

weather, anger rape and rapes

Wedge, Marilyn

Western’ culture in India

WhatsApp,
wife beating. See also domestic violence

Wilkinson, Karen

wives

woke misogynist

wokeness and vigilance

woman, women, women’s

autonomy, agency and humanity, denial of

denial of access to public space

disempowerment

education and occupation

empowerment

‘erotic capital’

experience

liberation

married into wealthy families are disempowered

physical space

a possession

safety in Delhi

as sex objects

sexual acquiescence

sexual capital

vulnerability

workforce participation in India

working

mother

parents

women

working-age population

workplace sexual harassment

World Bank

World Economic Forum’s 2017-8 Global Competitiveness Index

Wundt, Wilhelm

Yadavs

Zamindari system, abolition

Zeenat Aman

Acknowledgements

This project and book would not exist without a crew of co-creators, collaborators and contributors; experts and allies; friends and family.

The five people who have been with me every step of the way have my eternal gratitude. Sahil Mane provided as much behind-the-scenes support as was humanly possible throughout—and then went so above and beyond in the frenzied period before my final deadline that he almost deserved co-author status! And I don’t know what I would have done without my advisors—Nita Gopal, Jordyn Steig, Abhimanyu Radhakrishnan and Sowmya Rajaram. It is one of my life’s greatest satisfactions that my closest friends also make the perfect professional partners.

***

Survivors: thank you for your stories and your thoughts; your secrets and your trust.

***

Since the inception of the project, I have been astounded by the solidarity in the community that deals with gender and violence, and how strongly our common goals unite us all. The fifty-or-so experts I spoke to have all been incredibly generous with their time, expertise, leads, reading lists, the works! For illuminating the way, I thank: Dr Abha Singh, Abha Singh, Dr Abhijit Das, Dr Ajay Nair, Dr Alyson Brody, Dr Angshuman Kar, Ankur Vikal, Anushka Shah, Dr Anvita Madan-Bahel, Arpita Das, Bishakha Datta, Dr Chayanika Singh, Dr Gary Barker, Harish Iyer, Harish Sadani, Dr Iqbal Judge, Karen Andrae, Kaushik Gopal, Dr Kavita Daiya, Dr Lisa Overton, Dr Manish Madan, Dr Mark Stevens, Dr Narendra Subramanian, Dr Ravi Verma, Sandhya Menon, Dr Sankaran Krishna, Dr Sheena Malhotra, Dr Shilpa Phadke, Snigdha Poonam, Dr Swati Parashar, Tehmina Punwani, Dr Vidya Kamat, Dr Vijay Raghavan, William Muir and Zeeshan Khan; and those I cannot name including The Accused Inmate, the police sub-inspector, the media pioneer and others.

***

I also offer thanks to Ananya Borgohain, my editor and the entire team at HarperCollins; Amit, who accompanied me for some of my investigation; Priyanka Sutaria, my research assistant for a year; and Hiya Harinandini and Shachi Mokashi, who interned on this project.

***

To the crowd that funded it—thank you for your faith. Your money kept the project going, and your faith kept me going. True story: I was so despairing at one point that my aunt observed, “If you hadn’t crowd-funded you’d have just given up now, wouldn’t you?” She was right.

In particular, I thank my ‘Patrons’—Samir Kilachand; Markand Adhikari; Adrienne Thadani, and her parents Dhiru and Terry; and Somasekhar Sundaresan—and ‘Platinum Supporters’—Arati Mishra; Zin Ziazi and Vivin Mathew.

The folks at Ketto, and those who bolstered the campaign through PR and events—thank you.

***

So much about this project has been so hard—hearing gruesome tales of rape from perpetrators and their survivors (and having to extend sexual empathy to both), and generally living with this personal-political, visceral-vicarious trauma 24/7. Sometimes, I disappeared into my writing and, at various points, my sanity was in shambles. And, at various points, all about me struggled to keep their heads as I was losing mine. But I have so many blessings to count.

To the friends and allies who chipped in in a myriad ways, big and small: thank you. Akash Mathur; Aditya Puar; Amit Puri; Amit Singh; Amol Kamat; Anu Bhatia; Anuradha Das Mathur; Arti Jairaj; Bjorn De Niese; Chandrima Pal; Dhananjay Singh; Doorva Bahuguna; Devashish Sarkar; Faye D’Souza; Geetha Karandawala; Isha Gopal; Jacob Cherian; John Paul Hamilton; Jyoti Verma; Karan Kumar Sachdev; Karishma Chauhan; Manjima Bhattacharya; Meghna Prakash; Naman and Nidhi Jain of Sleuths India; Palash Krishna Malhotra; Pali Sachdev; Pamela Mukherjee; Pooja Warier Hamilton; Prabhat Handoo; Rahul Deshpande; Rani Radhakrishnan; Renu Kapoor; Riddhi Parekh; Rosalyn D’Mello; Rumit Gambhir; Samir Patham; Shalaka Sisodia; Sharmistha Ray; Shravankumar Chandrashekar; Sunil Kotnala; Suyash; Tullika Deswal; Vrijendra; and more I’m sure I’ve missed.

I thank my fur babies; all my friends; and the gods of music, dance, poi and the sea for keeping me afloat and inspired on this intense and interesting journey. There will remain a lifelong association between the writing of this book and a few pieces of music (particularly a set by Lifafa that I listened to on loop).

Finally, I thank my family that has enabled me in every way possible. With pyaar and paisa—but mostly with patience, as I reneged on all my responsibilities. Alice, Kamal and Romi Kaushal; Ami, Sandhya, Sudha, Rajiv and Shankar Mane; Prem Dulari Setia; Lee Anne; Medha and Sameer Parekh; Deepshikha and Guru Swarup Srivastava; Anupma and Pramod Sinha; Andrea Fernandes and Senthil Kumar; the larger family and cousins.

Throughout the writing of this book, I’ve ached for my late father, Cdr Rajeev Kaushal. During its writing, I lost its—and my—biggest champion, my mother-in-law, Roopshikha Mane. I hope I’ve done them proud.

About the Book

India has been ranked among the world’s most unsafe countries for women, based on yardsticks of sexual and non-sexual violence, human trafficking and gender discrimination. How did we reach here? In Why Men Rape, Tara Kaushal sets out to understand the reasons through a detailed investigation which includes interviews and meetings with nine men who have an inclination to commit acts of sexual violence.

The men interviewed for the book belong to all sections of society—a doctor who raped his twelve-year-old patient; an unemployed man who has decided to kill his former lover; a youth who gang raped; a serial gang rapist who doesn’t believe that rape exists. Alongside, the author gives insights from myriad survivors; world-famous experts; a jail inmate who provides us with commentary on the world view of rape convicts inside a prison; and many more.

It also talks about how hypersexualized mainstream cinema, prejudiced media coverage of rape cases, the explosion of pornography, and other historic and current factors have become collaborative agents in causing gender violence in India. At a time when sexual violence is crippling our society, Why Men Rape makes an important contribution towards making us aware of the problem—and finding a way to stop it.

About the Author

TARA KAUSHAL is a writer and media consultant who lives in Mumbai, India and Gold Coast, Australia, with her husband Sahil and their fur babies.

Her aspirations for social equality and fair treatment of all people led her to explore gender, sexuality, equal rights and other sociocultural issues, alongside interviewing inspiring people, for publications across the world. A graduate in BA Honours in English from Jesus and Mary College, Delhi University, where she topped her batch, Kaushal subsequently completed her Master’s in English from Mumbai University with a focus on gender and post-colonial literature. She was recognized for her incisive journalism and social commentary and was awarded the Laadli Media Award for gender-sensitive writing in 2013-4. In 2018, she was awarded a Femina Women Super Achiever Award.

As the growing conversation about gender violence is getting more meaningful and nuanced, Kaushal is one of the voices at its forefront in India.

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First published in India in 2020 by

HarperCollins Publishers

A-75, Sector 57, Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201301, India

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Copyright © Tara Kaushal 2020

P-ISBN: 978-93-5357-727-8

Epub Edition © May 2020 ISBN: 978-93-5357-704-9

The views and opinions expressed in this book are the author’s own and the facts are as reported by her which have been verified by her to the extent possible, and the publisher is not in any way liable for the same. Names and identifying details have been changed by the author to protect the privacy of individuals. The publisher disclaims any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Tara Kaushal asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved under The Copyright Act, 1957. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins Publishers India.

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